CULT S02E03
The sound of duct tape being ripped from the role cuts through the arena forcing silence as the fans look up at the bring screen. The echoing of boots on the floor – a heavy sigh – the flick of a lighter. Casanova English inhales on his cigarette as the framed darkness slowly fades into a scene. The famous preacher following CULT across the bible belt, Father John Tippet, is taped to a chair at the front of a large church – Christ looming over him – a disgustingly accurate silicone mask of Lissie Hope stretched over the holy ghost’s head. English looks up at it smirking before knocking the ash off his cigarette.
English: Waco, what a fitting place to do all of this. See Quincy is preoccupied with the rating for CULT:TV – but I am getting more and more worried about the impact this man’s preaching can have. Look what these psychopaths did to Bud Light. I don’t need to explain the Waco Siege to you do I father?
The word father sent a chill down Casanova’s spine every time it escaped his lips. If only Tippet knew the fate of Casanova’s father.
English: Long story short the Branch Davidians set up a compound… they practiced their beliefs mostly in peace. Sure, they worried a bit about the end of day – but don’t we all. Don’t YOU preach that every week? Don’t YOU tell me these people that I.. that this company is the work of Satan.
English: See I try to give these heathens a place ot play outside of the normal world, away from straight society – but here you are – like the US government banging at my compound door. See the Branch Davidians did stock weapons… maybe they were a little paranoid… scared the American machine was trying to mow them down…. But how long before paranoia is considered reality. See I called myself The Modern Day Messiah before anyone else. I’ve watched ideas I’ve sparked be ripped off and turned into rolling balls of fucking dog shit.
English: So Johnny boy to keep you safe I created this. Combat Unlimited: Lethal Trials. I created a place where blood could flow freely – where a new religion is forming. It’s where people can be their violent vile selves. It’s a refuge. It’s an orphanage. I shelter the weak and elevate the wrong. I test love… look at Johnny Bacchus and Lissie Hope… I push people to be better… I gave Serenity Holmes a proper platform and she holds five championships. It’s where dead souls like Jane Doe can rise again. And just like Waco… I’d rather burn it all down then have you and your bigots even take one head.
English stops and looks up at the crucified Christ with the Lissie Hope face.
English: We’re not so different Mr. Tippet. You and I. We’re both co-opting the American dream, we’re selling false fucking home by the bucket. The only difference is, I’m up front about it. Sure, maybe people like you a little more – your echo chamber of ignorance. But I’d rather be hated for who I am… because everything I said is coming true. The world is burning, and people like you, judging people who they love, pushing political agendas – forcing the births of babies like me. You.. you are the one pouring gasoline on the blaze because if everything burns down… well you were right all along… and no one is left to say otherwise.
Casanova paces around the Preacher in a circle – sun breaking through fragments of stained glass – turning the room to near technicolor. The tobacco of Casanova’s cigarette crackles as he faces Tippet one more time. Sweat roles down the preachers face, he shakes in his chair but that duct tape is brand fucking name.
English: I am sure you have heard about Arcadia if you are following this whole wrestling thing now Mr. Tippet. You know we were washed in the red crimson – blood. The thing is – I have been drowning in it my whole life. The taste of pennies — iron in my mouth. I think it’s time you’ve had a taste.
Casanova leans in close, smoke trailing off his lips as he whispers into the ear of the preacher.
English: Didn’t you hear… All Hells’ Acoming.
English is inches from Tippet when he leans back and spreads his hands out – blood flows from the sealing in a gushing scream covering the preacher as he tries to scream through his duct tape gag.
The camera positions a bloody Casanova with the crucified Lissie Hope behind him up on the wall – watching a man she knows she is better than.
English: Waco, what a fitting place to do all of this. See Quincy is preoccupied with the rating for CULT:TV – but I am getting more and more worried about the impact this man’s preaching can have. Look what these psychopaths did to Bud Light. I don’t need to explain the Waco Siege to you do I father?
The word father sent a chill down Casanova’s spine every time it escaped his lips. If only Tippet knew the fate of Casanova’s father.
English: Long story short the Branch Davidians set up a compound… they practiced their beliefs mostly in peace. Sure, they worried a bit about the end of day – but don’t we all. Don’t YOU preach that every week? Don’t YOU tell me these people that I.. that this company is the work of Satan.
English: See I try to give these heathens a place ot play outside of the normal world, away from straight society – but here you are – like the US government banging at my compound door. See the Branch Davidians did stock weapons… maybe they were a little paranoid… scared the American machine was trying to mow them down…. But how long before paranoia is considered reality. See I called myself The Modern Day Messiah before anyone else. I’ve watched ideas I’ve sparked be ripped off and turned into rolling balls of fucking dog shit.
English: So Johnny boy to keep you safe I created this. Combat Unlimited: Lethal Trials. I created a place where blood could flow freely – where a new religion is forming. It’s where people can be their violent vile selves. It’s a refuge. It’s an orphanage. I shelter the weak and elevate the wrong. I test love… look at Johnny Bacchus and Lissie Hope… I push people to be better… I gave Serenity Holmes a proper platform and she holds five championships. It’s where dead souls like Jane Doe can rise again. And just like Waco… I’d rather burn it all down then have you and your bigots even take one head.
English stops and looks up at the crucified Christ with the Lissie Hope face.
English: We’re not so different Mr. Tippet. You and I. We’re both co-opting the American dream, we’re selling false fucking home by the bucket. The only difference is, I’m up front about it. Sure, maybe people like you a little more – your echo chamber of ignorance. But I’d rather be hated for who I am… because everything I said is coming true. The world is burning, and people like you, judging people who they love, pushing political agendas – forcing the births of babies like me. You.. you are the one pouring gasoline on the blaze because if everything burns down… well you were right all along… and no one is left to say otherwise.
Casanova paces around the Preacher in a circle – sun breaking through fragments of stained glass – turning the room to near technicolor. The tobacco of Casanova’s cigarette crackles as he faces Tippet one more time. Sweat roles down the preachers face, he shakes in his chair but that duct tape is brand fucking name.
English: I am sure you have heard about Arcadia if you are following this whole wrestling thing now Mr. Tippet. You know we were washed in the red crimson – blood. The thing is – I have been drowning in it my whole life. The taste of pennies — iron in my mouth. I think it’s time you’ve had a taste.
Casanova leans in close, smoke trailing off his lips as he whispers into the ear of the preacher.
English: Didn’t you hear… All Hells’ Acoming.
English is inches from Tippet when he leans back and spreads his hands out – blood flows from the sealing in a gushing scream covering the preacher as he tries to scream through his duct tape gag.
The camera positions a bloody Casanova with the crucified Lissie Hope behind him up on the wall – watching a man she knows she is better than.
The camera spins around a coughing crowd at the Extracto Events Center in Waco, Texas. A thin haze of smoke still fills the arena from the exciting conclusion of CULT:TV Episode 3 – the final turnbuckle paddings are being put on the replacement ring. None of this stops pyro from blasting off – the camera zoom in on “Boot Fuckin’” BIll Foote – cowboy hat atop his head and his colleague Stacy Sting – her dressed in a red suit to fit in with the hellish theme of the show.
The pyro rains down from above. Lotsa pops, lotsa bangs, the crowd in the Extraco Events Center in Waco, Texas might go deaf, but not from the pyro, from the insane crowd on their feet and in a frenzy after CULT:TV.
But before either Foote or Sting can get into things, the crowd are interrupted by the sounds of radio static, followed quickly by "Royal Flush" by Silva Hound ft. Mick Lauer and Jonathan Young. The crowd immediately start losing their shit.
The verse begins, and Max Daemon steps out onto the stage to a loud standing ovation from the raucous and ravenous Waco crowd. He looks out at them, sipping his red Solo cup of some alcohol with a smirk. He finishes the glass, tossing it aside and allowing the fans their cheers.
Anderson: Making his way to the ring, "The Hellborn and Heavensent"...MAX...FUCKIN...DAEMON!
Max taps his heart, or his CU:LT brand, before making his way towards the ring. He high-fives a few lucky fans along the way. He manages to sneak a few sips of their drinks as well. Foote and Sting allow Max his time, remaining silent and allowing the fans reactions alonse to fill the silence.
Eventually, Max hits ringside. He climbs onto the apron, followed by the top and middle ropes. He sends a finger gun "shot" towards the hard cam, but pauses. He looks out at his higher vantage point towards the loud reactions the CU:LT faithful are giving him.
He nods his head, ignoring the tears forming in his eyes. He hops down and sends his hair back. He wipes his eyes and grabs the mic from Anderson.
His music fades away, but he just stands in the middle of the ring, reveling in the reaction.
Max raises the mic to his lips, letting out an audible sigh.
But the fans continue cheering.
So Max lets them.
The fans express their gratitude to him in multiple cheers, but Max doesn't let them go on forever as he speaks.
Max Daemon: Let's talk...about Heaven Sent.
The crowd release a modest set of cheers from that.
Max Daemon: Let's talk...about the Inferno...Battle Royal.
Before he can even finish, the boos start pouring in. Max raises a hand as if trying to call them down.
Max Daemon: Now I know...nobody walking inta' that match wanted a guy like Matt Knox walkin out the winner...especially here...and ESPECIALLY in Knoxville...but he did. The bastard survived the flames, and while I was lucky enough ta' get the night off despite the burns, despite the pain, and despite everythin else...this left me without...much ta' do. So...I was doin some thinkin...I'm a...fairly young...successful man.
Some of the crowd starts to murmur at this.
Max Daemon: I've been through a lot both in and outside the ring, and I've been through QUITE a lot here in CU:LT. Some might say...TOO much...without the reward ta' justify it.
Max looks up into the hard cam again.
Max Daemon: I'm tired. I'm fuckin...tired. I've given wrestlin everythin...for the last three years...and none of it has ever been enough. Not in CU:LT...not in other places that care more about popularity than wrestlin itself...
The crowd let out a soft "oooh" at the dig.
Max Daemon: I've tried...so...damn...hard...ta' be what these companies need me ta' be. And last week...as the flames started burnin my flesh apart...and the remnants of the nails in the back of my head from Killdozer started givin me phantom pains...and the brand...imbedded on my fuckin chest started losin its luster...I had an epiphany.
The crowd suddenly starts to turn on this, letting out a series of jeers.
Max Daemon: What the fuck am I even doin? Nobody cares. Cas doesn't care. Ya' losers...don't fuckin care, do ya'?
The crowd starts to turn their boos louder.
Max Daemon: I realized that I should just quit because there's a not goddamn thing I can do that would get me ta' the point of facin Johnny-boy, of facin Hopeless, of facin Knox, fuck man, at this point, of facin JD! Yeah, I said your name, ya' can suck my dick while you're on your knees bleedin outta your fuckin pours ya' piece of shit.
The crowd gives this a mixed reaction.
Max Daemon: So that's it. Why the fuck should I suffer for a buncha fans who don't give a fuck? For a boss who doesn't give a fuck? When I...barely give a fuck? So yeah. That'll do it. Kiss my ass, I'm gone.
Max turns the mic off and exits the ring. He ignores the raging fans screaming at him as he heads back up the ramp. He gives them a pair of a middle fingers in the air before making his way to the back.
As the silence sits, the crowd starts a "MAX IS A PUSSY *clap clap clapclapclap*" chant that echoes throughout the halls of the arena.
After a few moments, the chant stops, but the boos do not recede.
A series of words cuts through them.
Max Dameon: But then I thought....fuck...that!
The boos quickly return to cheers that blow the roof off of the arena.
Max comes back out of the curtain. His eyes are focused as he walks a fast pace down the ramp towards the ring He lets the fans trying to pull at him have their touch. Once he reaches ringside, he slides back under the ropes and returns to the middle of the ring.
Max Daemon: Ya' losers wanna see violence? Ya' wanna see me bleed? Well guess what fuckers, I've been travelin for a LONG damn time, and I think...I've found....my...HOME.
This gets a positive reaction from the crowd.
Max wipes his eyes again before continuing.
Max Daemon: CU:LT is a fucked up place! Well I'm a fucked up guy! I've been here since day fuckin one, and yeah, there was a few months there I took off, but guess what, no more! And I don't give a damn about Cas, but THESE losers...
Max grabs a nearby camera. He places it on his shoulders and turns around, getting a shot of every fan in the building.
Max Daemon:...THESE...fuckin...losers...run the damn show! And if they want me here...than fuck it...this is where I'll stay!
Through the mass of cheers, Max gives the camera back. He look deep into its lens.
Max Daemon: I've given CU:LT by body! I've given CU:LT by blood! If these losers wanna see it? Then fine.
Max breathes deep into the mic.
Max Daemon: I'll give CU:LT...my life!
He slams the mic into the camera lens. Before it hits the canvas, he kicks it away, sending it flying into the crowd. He finds the nearest turnbuckle, standing on it and spreading his arms. The fans go absolutely ape shit.
Max hops from the top rope onto the outside before making his way to the back. He high-fives the fans, lets them get their hugs, their pics, etc. as we head up to Sting and Foote for the official introduction.
The camera pans back to the announce table.
Sting: Max putting CU:LT on notice.
Foote: We’re still getting the smoke out of the arena after the ring was set on fire at the conclusion of CULT:TV but we are all good and ready to rock with another CU:LT supershow.
Sting: CULT:TV is achieving heights unimaginable, we say the return of Jane Doe…. a uprising tag win by The Brothers Grimm and Serenity Holmes continue her dominance as CULT:TV Champion – if Holmes can get past Jane next month she has a shot at the New World Championship – in the same show her arch rival Alice Gemini might win the top title back – but first to determine who the number one contender faces we will have to see who walks out with the New World Championship tonight when Johnny Bacchus takes on Matt Knox.
Foote: Knox is no slouch either, the man came into CU:LT and literally set about 20 other people on fire to lay claim to a title shot.
The smoke in the arena has dissipated even more and cuts to the ramp as the crowd ignites as Lissie Hope’s music hits.
The pyro rains down from above. Lotsa pops, lotsa bangs, the crowd in the Extraco Events Center in Waco, Texas might go deaf, but not from the pyro, from the insane crowd on their feet and in a frenzy after CULT:TV.
But before either Foote or Sting can get into things, the crowd are interrupted by the sounds of radio static, followed quickly by "Royal Flush" by Silva Hound ft. Mick Lauer and Jonathan Young. The crowd immediately start losing their shit.
The verse begins, and Max Daemon steps out onto the stage to a loud standing ovation from the raucous and ravenous Waco crowd. He looks out at them, sipping his red Solo cup of some alcohol with a smirk. He finishes the glass, tossing it aside and allowing the fans their cheers.
Anderson: Making his way to the ring, "The Hellborn and Heavensent"...MAX...FUCKIN...DAEMON!
Max taps his heart, or his CU:LT brand, before making his way towards the ring. He high-fives a few lucky fans along the way. He manages to sneak a few sips of their drinks as well. Foote and Sting allow Max his time, remaining silent and allowing the fans reactions alonse to fill the silence.
Eventually, Max hits ringside. He climbs onto the apron, followed by the top and middle ropes. He sends a finger gun "shot" towards the hard cam, but pauses. He looks out at his higher vantage point towards the loud reactions the CU:LT faithful are giving him.
He nods his head, ignoring the tears forming in his eyes. He hops down and sends his hair back. He wipes his eyes and grabs the mic from Anderson.
His music fades away, but he just stands in the middle of the ring, reveling in the reaction.
Max raises the mic to his lips, letting out an audible sigh.
But the fans continue cheering.
So Max lets them.
The fans express their gratitude to him in multiple cheers, but Max doesn't let them go on forever as he speaks.
Max Daemon: Let's talk...about Heaven Sent.
The crowd release a modest set of cheers from that.
Max Daemon: Let's talk...about the Inferno...Battle Royal.
Before he can even finish, the boos start pouring in. Max raises a hand as if trying to call them down.
Max Daemon: Now I know...nobody walking inta' that match wanted a guy like Matt Knox walkin out the winner...especially here...and ESPECIALLY in Knoxville...but he did. The bastard survived the flames, and while I was lucky enough ta' get the night off despite the burns, despite the pain, and despite everythin else...this left me without...much ta' do. So...I was doin some thinkin...I'm a...fairly young...successful man.
Some of the crowd starts to murmur at this.
Max Daemon: I've been through a lot both in and outside the ring, and I've been through QUITE a lot here in CU:LT. Some might say...TOO much...without the reward ta' justify it.
Max looks up into the hard cam again.
Max Daemon: I'm tired. I'm fuckin...tired. I've given wrestlin everythin...for the last three years...and none of it has ever been enough. Not in CU:LT...not in other places that care more about popularity than wrestlin itself...
The crowd let out a soft "oooh" at the dig.
Max Daemon: I've tried...so...damn...hard...ta' be what these companies need me ta' be. And last week...as the flames started burnin my flesh apart...and the remnants of the nails in the back of my head from Killdozer started givin me phantom pains...and the brand...imbedded on my fuckin chest started losin its luster...I had an epiphany.
The crowd suddenly starts to turn on this, letting out a series of jeers.
Max Daemon: What the fuck am I even doin? Nobody cares. Cas doesn't care. Ya' losers...don't fuckin care, do ya'?
The crowd starts to turn their boos louder.
Max Daemon: I realized that I should just quit because there's a not goddamn thing I can do that would get me ta' the point of facin Johnny-boy, of facin Hopeless, of facin Knox, fuck man, at this point, of facin JD! Yeah, I said your name, ya' can suck my dick while you're on your knees bleedin outta your fuckin pours ya' piece of shit.
The crowd gives this a mixed reaction.
Max Daemon: So that's it. Why the fuck should I suffer for a buncha fans who don't give a fuck? For a boss who doesn't give a fuck? When I...barely give a fuck? So yeah. That'll do it. Kiss my ass, I'm gone.
Max turns the mic off and exits the ring. He ignores the raging fans screaming at him as he heads back up the ramp. He gives them a pair of a middle fingers in the air before making his way to the back.
As the silence sits, the crowd starts a "MAX IS A PUSSY *clap clap clapclapclap*" chant that echoes throughout the halls of the arena.
After a few moments, the chant stops, but the boos do not recede.
A series of words cuts through them.
Max Dameon: But then I thought....fuck...that!
The boos quickly return to cheers that blow the roof off of the arena.
Max comes back out of the curtain. His eyes are focused as he walks a fast pace down the ramp towards the ring He lets the fans trying to pull at him have their touch. Once he reaches ringside, he slides back under the ropes and returns to the middle of the ring.
Max Daemon: Ya' losers wanna see violence? Ya' wanna see me bleed? Well guess what fuckers, I've been travelin for a LONG damn time, and I think...I've found....my...HOME.
This gets a positive reaction from the crowd.
Max wipes his eyes again before continuing.
Max Daemon: CU:LT is a fucked up place! Well I'm a fucked up guy! I've been here since day fuckin one, and yeah, there was a few months there I took off, but guess what, no more! And I don't give a damn about Cas, but THESE losers...
Max grabs a nearby camera. He places it on his shoulders and turns around, getting a shot of every fan in the building.
Max Daemon:...THESE...fuckin...losers...run the damn show! And if they want me here...than fuck it...this is where I'll stay!
Through the mass of cheers, Max gives the camera back. He look deep into its lens.
Max Daemon: I've given CU:LT by body! I've given CU:LT by blood! If these losers wanna see it? Then fine.
Max breathes deep into the mic.
Max Daemon: I'll give CU:LT...my life!
He slams the mic into the camera lens. Before it hits the canvas, he kicks it away, sending it flying into the crowd. He finds the nearest turnbuckle, standing on it and spreading his arms. The fans go absolutely ape shit.
Max hops from the top rope onto the outside before making his way to the back. He high-fives the fans, lets them get their hugs, their pics, etc. as we head up to Sting and Foote for the official introduction.
The camera pans back to the announce table.
Sting: Max putting CU:LT on notice.
Foote: We’re still getting the smoke out of the arena after the ring was set on fire at the conclusion of CULT:TV but we are all good and ready to rock with another CU:LT supershow.
Sting: CULT:TV is achieving heights unimaginable, we say the return of Jane Doe…. a uprising tag win by The Brothers Grimm and Serenity Holmes continue her dominance as CULT:TV Champion – if Holmes can get past Jane next month she has a shot at the New World Championship – in the same show her arch rival Alice Gemini might win the top title back – but first to determine who the number one contender faces we will have to see who walks out with the New World Championship tonight when Johnny Bacchus takes on Matt Knox.
Foote: Knox is no slouch either, the man came into CU:LT and literally set about 20 other people on fire to lay claim to a title shot.
The smoke in the arena has dissipated even more and cuts to the ramp as the crowd ignites as Lissie Hope’s music hits.
Anderson: First coming to the ring… she is the former New World Champion LISSIE HOPE!
The heavy synths of "You'll Miss Me When I'm Not Around" by Grimes begins. The child-like adlibs and the booming bass shakes the seats underneath each audience member. They rise to their feet in anticipation of the arrival of the New World Champion, "The Blackheart" Lissie Hope!
I shot myself yesterday / got to Heaven anyway
The crowd jumps out of their seats as Grimes' continues to sing into the pre-chorus. The anticipation is growing, and the cheers start to crescendo.
If you don't bleed / then you don't die
Cross my heart / and hope to fly
Finally, the curtains spread and Lissie Hope emerges at the top of the entrance stage, standing for a moment and appreciating all of the cheers being levied in her direction – her hands are wrapped to heal the two holes punctured through her palms by Johnny Bacchus.
Sting: Lissie Hope, a true legend in the business – she put an all time classic on with Johnny Bacchus last month and tonight she tries to find a new path in CU:LT.
Foote: Well if there is one thing I know about Lissie Hope is she is good at swapping from top to bottom and vice versa.
If they could see me now / smiling six-feet underground
She notices signs of support in the front rows, and she acknowledges those young fans with high-fives. She sprints down the ramp, sliding under the bottom rope. She bounces to her feet and raises her arms to the crowd.
You'll miss me when I'm not around
She enters the ring, wearing a cut-off "Hero" tee-shirt, revealing a black Under Armour exercise top and black and pink workout pants. She tosses the shirt into the front rows, watching the fans fight over the memorabilia. She goes to the corner to acknowledge the fans, the song fades to a hush and she awaits the opening bell
Foote: Lissie is in good spirits considering English continues to try and destroy her life.
Anderson: Now coming to the ring LOGAN BAILEY!!!!
Superkiller - Mouth Dreams hits and Logan starts his strut to the ring. He slaps some hands on the way to the ring and slides under the bottom rope.
Sting: If Logan picks up a win tonight against Hope he will be shot right to the main event scene.
DING! DING! DING!
Logan kicks things off by pushing Lissie Hope into the corner. He kicks her in the gut a few times then wraps her arm around the rope twisting her hand – trying to take advantage of the holes Bacchsue drove in it just a month earlier. Logan with an uppercut that drops Lissie and Logan steps on the hand then kicks Lissie in the face.
Foote: Smart move there by Logan… attack the hands.
Logan has Lissie in the turnbuckle again and snaps ons of her hand down on the top of the post. He hits a bodyslam on Hope and flexes his muscles doing a sexy little dance before dropping an elbow down into her chest. Logan pulls Lissie up now and swings her to the ropes, she comes back and hits a swinging neckbreaker. Logan is stunned but sits up – only to eat a running knee from Hope. The tape on Hope’s hand is bloody and lose, she adjusts it and that is just enough time for a jaw breaker from Bailey.
Sting: Back and forth in this one, but you know Bailey has a good idea… maybe thumb the wound a little.
Foote: Pour some moonshine on that shit.
Lisse Hope battles back with strikes – Bailey off the ropes and Hope with the kitchen skin flipping the fucker right over. She stomps on him over ans over again screaming as the fans cheer. She pulls Logan ip by his hair and slaps him across the face. She nails a snap suplex.
Sting: Slapped the taste buds off his tongue.
Foote: What’s the point of living life any more without taste…
Logan with knees to the body now and hits a back drop taking it to Hope. She springs to her feet but gets planted with a sidewalk slam. Bailey once again stops the hands and starts to twist the finger of Hope as she screeches out in pain.
Sting: She has to be hurting from that weird ass Arcadia shit.
Foote: A couple pulls of blood and a woman who may have turned into a scorpion… I mean shit is getting just as weird here.
Logan with a headlock into a dragon sleeper now, pulling Lissie backward trying to choke the life out of her. Hope backflips over Logan and drives him down with a inverted DDT. The crowd pops as Hope springs to her feet and tosses Logan down with a belly to belly – he smacks off the matt but uses the momentum to roll to his feet and charges Lissie. He swings with a wild haymaker and Lissie ducks slamming him high on his shoulders with a German suplex.
LISSIE HOPE! LISSIE HOPE! LISSIE HOPE!
Sting: The crowd losing it for Lissie Hope! They want to see her get a win back.
Foote: Does this bitch ever have enough accolades? Didn’t she win some bullshit AW rumble recently?
Lissie unwraps the already loosened tape covering the stitched up puncture wound on her left palm. She takes the wrapping in her hands and stomps toward Logan. She uses it to start choking him from behind stepping on his back as she pulls his head up with the wrap around his neck – he chokes mouth open as he tries to get his fingers between the object and his skin. Lucky for him JJ Huffman forces Lissie to break the hold and discard the wrap. Lissie clenches her unwrapped fist and starts driving it into Logan’s forehead.
Sting: Lissie Hope has been driven to some strange places in her mind since joining CU:LT. Celery on English has done is made it hard for her here.
Foote: He made her a world champion, he’s turning her into a killer.
Lissie lets Logan to his feet and he works her over with shots to the ribs, a knee to the face. He kicks Hope int he gut and plants her with a powerbomb. The sound of Hope’s body hitting the canvas echos through the area as Logan gets a quick two count. Logan pulls Lissie up to her feet – he lifts her into a Gorilla press and lifts her up and down a few times showing he is a strong boy before body slamming her down. Logan flexes at the crowd to a mixed reaction. He pushes Lissie into the corner and nails her with a shoulder thrust. Logan brings Lissie to the top rope setting her up for a suplerplex but Hope hooks her leg in the rop stopping Logan from being able to pull her over himself. Shots to the ribs now from Hope – a sunset flip powerbomb taking Logan off the top rope.
Sting: Hope will do whatever it takes to find an opening.
Foote: She’s back on the top rope now…
Hope comes off the top with a frog splash into a cover.
1
2
KICKOUT!
Sting: Hope thought she had it but Logan is staying in this one.
Lissie pulls Logan up – and out of no where he nails a stunner.
Foote: WHAM!
Hope falls bardwards and slips through the middle ropes taking a spill to the outside. Logan slams the mat with his fist. He rushes out of the ring and throws Lissie under the bottom rope and makes the cover.
1
2
3???
KICKOUT!
Sting: Logan may have had her if he was able to keep her inside the ring. Just hit the move just a little too close to the ropes.
Logan pulls Lissie up going for a toe kick to set up another stunner but Hope catches the foot – she tosses the leg aside causing Logan to spin around - she kicks him in the guy, puts his head between her legs and get the double underhook driving Logan down face first.
Foote: CROWN OF THORNS!!!!
Lissie makes the cover.
1
2
3!!!!
DING! DING! DING!
Anderson: The WINNER of this match LISSIE HOPE!!!!
JJ Huffman is raising Lissie Hope’s hand, but it’s not her music that hits.
The lights go dim as the eerie voice of a former member of the notorious Manson Family rings through the arena.
"yeah, I
remember her saying:
I'm already dead... I'm already dead... I'm
already dead..."
Sting: Can’t this man just leave Lissie Hope alone?
The lights flicker revealing Casanova English on the stage – he is covered head to toe in blood due to his work scaring the preacher at the top of the show.
"You're going to get up and scream. I'm
already dead... I'm already dead... I'm already dead..."
You're
going to get up and-
Burn an x in your head."
The lights turn back on as Casanova English takes a long drag off his already lit cigarette – he wipes some of the crimson off his face running it through his hair. Lissie at the edge of the ropes staring the man down. English has no microphone… he just glass at Hope while he is covered in blood and then suddenly hundred dollar bills start falling from the sky landing on Hope like she’s a high end stripper.
Foote: What the fuck does this mean?
Sting: Blood Money III… I think it’s a challenge… he wants Lissie Hope in FIGHT! NYC!
Fans reach out trying to snatch as much cash up as they can. Hope and English never stop locking eyes.
The heavy synths of "You'll Miss Me When I'm Not Around" by Grimes begins. The child-like adlibs and the booming bass shakes the seats underneath each audience member. They rise to their feet in anticipation of the arrival of the New World Champion, "The Blackheart" Lissie Hope!
I shot myself yesterday / got to Heaven anyway
The crowd jumps out of their seats as Grimes' continues to sing into the pre-chorus. The anticipation is growing, and the cheers start to crescendo.
If you don't bleed / then you don't die
Cross my heart / and hope to fly
Finally, the curtains spread and Lissie Hope emerges at the top of the entrance stage, standing for a moment and appreciating all of the cheers being levied in her direction – her hands are wrapped to heal the two holes punctured through her palms by Johnny Bacchus.
Sting: Lissie Hope, a true legend in the business – she put an all time classic on with Johnny Bacchus last month and tonight she tries to find a new path in CU:LT.
Foote: Well if there is one thing I know about Lissie Hope is she is good at swapping from top to bottom and vice versa.
If they could see me now / smiling six-feet underground
She notices signs of support in the front rows, and she acknowledges those young fans with high-fives. She sprints down the ramp, sliding under the bottom rope. She bounces to her feet and raises her arms to the crowd.
You'll miss me when I'm not around
She enters the ring, wearing a cut-off "Hero" tee-shirt, revealing a black Under Armour exercise top and black and pink workout pants. She tosses the shirt into the front rows, watching the fans fight over the memorabilia. She goes to the corner to acknowledge the fans, the song fades to a hush and she awaits the opening bell
Foote: Lissie is in good spirits considering English continues to try and destroy her life.
Anderson: Now coming to the ring LOGAN BAILEY!!!!
Superkiller - Mouth Dreams hits and Logan starts his strut to the ring. He slaps some hands on the way to the ring and slides under the bottom rope.
Sting: If Logan picks up a win tonight against Hope he will be shot right to the main event scene.
DING! DING! DING!
Logan kicks things off by pushing Lissie Hope into the corner. He kicks her in the gut a few times then wraps her arm around the rope twisting her hand – trying to take advantage of the holes Bacchsue drove in it just a month earlier. Logan with an uppercut that drops Lissie and Logan steps on the hand then kicks Lissie in the face.
Foote: Smart move there by Logan… attack the hands.
Logan has Lissie in the turnbuckle again and snaps ons of her hand down on the top of the post. He hits a bodyslam on Hope and flexes his muscles doing a sexy little dance before dropping an elbow down into her chest. Logan pulls Lissie up now and swings her to the ropes, she comes back and hits a swinging neckbreaker. Logan is stunned but sits up – only to eat a running knee from Hope. The tape on Hope’s hand is bloody and lose, she adjusts it and that is just enough time for a jaw breaker from Bailey.
Sting: Back and forth in this one, but you know Bailey has a good idea… maybe thumb the wound a little.
Foote: Pour some moonshine on that shit.
Lisse Hope battles back with strikes – Bailey off the ropes and Hope with the kitchen skin flipping the fucker right over. She stomps on him over ans over again screaming as the fans cheer. She pulls Logan ip by his hair and slaps him across the face. She nails a snap suplex.
Sting: Slapped the taste buds off his tongue.
Foote: What’s the point of living life any more without taste…
Logan with knees to the body now and hits a back drop taking it to Hope. She springs to her feet but gets planted with a sidewalk slam. Bailey once again stops the hands and starts to twist the finger of Hope as she screeches out in pain.
Sting: She has to be hurting from that weird ass Arcadia shit.
Foote: A couple pulls of blood and a woman who may have turned into a scorpion… I mean shit is getting just as weird here.
Logan with a headlock into a dragon sleeper now, pulling Lissie backward trying to choke the life out of her. Hope backflips over Logan and drives him down with a inverted DDT. The crowd pops as Hope springs to her feet and tosses Logan down with a belly to belly – he smacks off the matt but uses the momentum to roll to his feet and charges Lissie. He swings with a wild haymaker and Lissie ducks slamming him high on his shoulders with a German suplex.
LISSIE HOPE! LISSIE HOPE! LISSIE HOPE!
Sting: The crowd losing it for Lissie Hope! They want to see her get a win back.
Foote: Does this bitch ever have enough accolades? Didn’t she win some bullshit AW rumble recently?
Lissie unwraps the already loosened tape covering the stitched up puncture wound on her left palm. She takes the wrapping in her hands and stomps toward Logan. She uses it to start choking him from behind stepping on his back as she pulls his head up with the wrap around his neck – he chokes mouth open as he tries to get his fingers between the object and his skin. Lucky for him JJ Huffman forces Lissie to break the hold and discard the wrap. Lissie clenches her unwrapped fist and starts driving it into Logan’s forehead.
Sting: Lissie Hope has been driven to some strange places in her mind since joining CU:LT. Celery on English has done is made it hard for her here.
Foote: He made her a world champion, he’s turning her into a killer.
Lissie lets Logan to his feet and he works her over with shots to the ribs, a knee to the face. He kicks Hope int he gut and plants her with a powerbomb. The sound of Hope’s body hitting the canvas echos through the area as Logan gets a quick two count. Logan pulls Lissie up to her feet – he lifts her into a Gorilla press and lifts her up and down a few times showing he is a strong boy before body slamming her down. Logan flexes at the crowd to a mixed reaction. He pushes Lissie into the corner and nails her with a shoulder thrust. Logan brings Lissie to the top rope setting her up for a suplerplex but Hope hooks her leg in the rop stopping Logan from being able to pull her over himself. Shots to the ribs now from Hope – a sunset flip powerbomb taking Logan off the top rope.
Sting: Hope will do whatever it takes to find an opening.
Foote: She’s back on the top rope now…
Hope comes off the top with a frog splash into a cover.
1
2
KICKOUT!
Sting: Hope thought she had it but Logan is staying in this one.
Lissie pulls Logan up – and out of no where he nails a stunner.
Foote: WHAM!
Hope falls bardwards and slips through the middle ropes taking a spill to the outside. Logan slams the mat with his fist. He rushes out of the ring and throws Lissie under the bottom rope and makes the cover.
1
2
3???
KICKOUT!
Sting: Logan may have had her if he was able to keep her inside the ring. Just hit the move just a little too close to the ropes.
Logan pulls Lissie up going for a toe kick to set up another stunner but Hope catches the foot – she tosses the leg aside causing Logan to spin around - she kicks him in the guy, puts his head between her legs and get the double underhook driving Logan down face first.
Foote: CROWN OF THORNS!!!!
Lissie makes the cover.
1
2
3!!!!
DING! DING! DING!
Anderson: The WINNER of this match LISSIE HOPE!!!!
JJ Huffman is raising Lissie Hope’s hand, but it’s not her music that hits.
The lights go dim as the eerie voice of a former member of the notorious Manson Family rings through the arena.
"yeah, I
remember her saying:
I'm already dead... I'm already dead... I'm
already dead..."
Sting: Can’t this man just leave Lissie Hope alone?
The lights flicker revealing Casanova English on the stage – he is covered head to toe in blood due to his work scaring the preacher at the top of the show.
"You're going to get up and scream. I'm
already dead... I'm already dead... I'm already dead..."
You're
going to get up and-
Burn an x in your head."
The lights turn back on as Casanova English takes a long drag off his already lit cigarette – he wipes some of the crimson off his face running it through his hair. Lissie at the edge of the ropes staring the man down. English has no microphone… he just glass at Hope while he is covered in blood and then suddenly hundred dollar bills start falling from the sky landing on Hope like she’s a high end stripper.
Foote: What the fuck does this mean?
Sting: Blood Money III… I think it’s a challenge… he wants Lissie Hope in FIGHT! NYC!
Fans reach out trying to snatch as much cash up as they can. Hope and English never stop locking eyes.
JD Driftwood: Stupid! Fuckin! Bitch!
The loud clangs as JD stomps a mudhole into a vending somewhere in the backstage area cuts through the roar of the fans.
JD Driftwood: Gimmie my fuckin slim jim you cunt!
He looks at the oncoming camera, and his already snarled lips curl wider as his brow furrows.
JD Driftwood: And what in the god damn fuck do you want? It ain’t time for my match yet!
He full-on decks the vending machine, causing his item to fall down into the slot. He reaches down and pulls out a slim jim, pulling back the plastic and taking a bite just as the camera closes in. He takes a few bites before spitting it directly into the camera lens.
JD Driftwood: JJ here yet? That ol’ boy done said some shit that we need to take care of. Callin’ me a fuckin’ baby! Why? Because I kicked his ass? Because I got the fuck up when he fuckin’ couldn’t? Because I left in a pile of his own piss and blood for the world to see! And then that sum’ bitch had the audacity to ask for a title shot, on the premises of him whoopin’ my ass? Hell fuckin’ nah!
Pulling out a tallboy of Busch Light from his jorts pocket, JD doesn’t really seem to mind that he has a match in the coming hour as he cracks open the can and starts to chug. His thirst now quenched, and the camera now having been cleared of slim jim by a production assistant, Florida’s Sickest Son continues.
JD Driftwood: You little fuckin’ prick! I told you, you wasn’t making a name off my fuckin’ ass. I am no one's trophy buck! So if by some fuckin’ bullshit Texas fuckery, you find a way to put me down tonight… I’m fuckin’ up any goddamn shot you got at that fuckin’ new world title. You understand me? Cause you done kicked the hornets nest you little shit fuck. California bitchtits! Fuck you!
Throwing his arm up he grabs the camera and pushes it aside, walking past it.
JD Driftwood: Fuck outta my god damn way.
The cameraman takes this opportunity to cut the feed, seemingly not wanting to deal with JD any longer.
The loud clangs as JD stomps a mudhole into a vending somewhere in the backstage area cuts through the roar of the fans.
JD Driftwood: Gimmie my fuckin slim jim you cunt!
He looks at the oncoming camera, and his already snarled lips curl wider as his brow furrows.
JD Driftwood: And what in the god damn fuck do you want? It ain’t time for my match yet!
He full-on decks the vending machine, causing his item to fall down into the slot. He reaches down and pulls out a slim jim, pulling back the plastic and taking a bite just as the camera closes in. He takes a few bites before spitting it directly into the camera lens.
JD Driftwood: JJ here yet? That ol’ boy done said some shit that we need to take care of. Callin’ me a fuckin’ baby! Why? Because I kicked his ass? Because I got the fuck up when he fuckin’ couldn’t? Because I left in a pile of his own piss and blood for the world to see! And then that sum’ bitch had the audacity to ask for a title shot, on the premises of him whoopin’ my ass? Hell fuckin’ nah!
Pulling out a tallboy of Busch Light from his jorts pocket, JD doesn’t really seem to mind that he has a match in the coming hour as he cracks open the can and starts to chug. His thirst now quenched, and the camera now having been cleared of slim jim by a production assistant, Florida’s Sickest Son continues.
JD Driftwood: You little fuckin’ prick! I told you, you wasn’t making a name off my fuckin’ ass. I am no one's trophy buck! So if by some fuckin’ bullshit Texas fuckery, you find a way to put me down tonight… I’m fuckin’ up any goddamn shot you got at that fuckin’ new world title. You understand me? Cause you done kicked the hornets nest you little shit fuck. California bitchtits! Fuck you!
Throwing his arm up he grabs the camera and pushes it aside, walking past it.
JD Driftwood: Fuck outta my god damn way.
The cameraman takes this opportunity to cut the feed, seemingly not wanting to deal with JD any longer.
Anderson: The following contest is a two out of three falls match! The first fall is a normal match, second a deathmatch and the final fall will take place inside a steel cage.
All Eyes On You” by Smash Into Pieces begins to play as JJ Slayer makes his way onto the entrance ramp.
Anderson: Now coming to the ring JJ Slayer!
Sting: The crowd really behind JJ Slayer here. The fans were just as pissed as he was the match with JD Driftwood last month was a draw. This is a chance for JJ to prove he is the better man without a shadow of a doubt.
Foote: JD is going to fuck a new hole in this man’s head.
After a brief pause to yell towards the cheering crowd Slayer goes to rush down the rampway – but he is stopped dead in his tracks by a metal chair nailing him in the back of the skull – JD Driftwood holds it up proudly as the crowd roars.
Sting: What in the fuck does JD Driftwood think he is doing out here?
Foote: Winning, JD ain’t as stupid as he looks, sounds or acts. He got the jump on JJ now.
All the way down the ramp JD laces JJ with chair shots ringing out louder than the jeers every time Driftwood connects. Slayer makes it to ringside and makes the dumb mistake of sitting beside the steps. JD runs and crushing JJ’s head against the ring steps with a brutal boot – puts all his weight behind it. Driftwood spits on the ground.
Driftwood: DUMB MOTHERFUCKER RIGHT HERE!
Sting: This is not how things were supposed to go.
Foote: Fuck it, JD will fight you anywhere at anytime and he is proving that right now. JJ should have been prepared for anything.
JD powerbombs Slayer into the steps. He pulse JJ up by his hair now and cracks him with some forearms. Driftwood pulls a fork out of his pants and just starts giving JJ some fucking color blood spurting onto the padding outside the ring. So JD moves it, then DDT’s Slayer on the exposed concrete. His body goes limp.
Driftwood: They call him slayer? HE AINT FUCKING SHIT! I RUN THIS FUCKING GAME!
JD grabs two chairs and puts them together with a barbed wire board across them. He manages to pull Slayer up to the ring apron as referee Tom Garcia begs him to get in the ring and start the match. Driftwood face washes the ref. The distraction allows Slayer to finally fight back with forearms – he’s backing JD up and as Driftwood is about to fall through the barbedwire-chair hybrid he birthed he kicks Slayer in the gut stopping him. He then gets Slayer up and leaps off the ring apron with a vertebreaker right through the chairs and barbedwire board.
Foote: FULL ON HEADER!!!!
Driftwood is up and tosses Slayer under the bottom rope.
DING! DING! DING!
Sting: Finally the bell rings starting the match.
JD covers Slayer right away and starts jaw wagging at the ref to fucking count.
1
2
3!!!!
DING! DING! DING!
Sting: This was supposed to be a motherfucking regular wrestling match!
Foote: JD don’t fuck with that.
Anderson: The winner of the first fall JD DRIFTWOOD!
Sting: This is bullshit.
Slayer is crawling for the ropes with blood spilling down his face. JD comes up with a pizza cutter and starts mangling the face of the former CU:LT Classic Champion – turning the stomach of fans in the front row. Then JD spills a sack of tacks out on the canvas and piledrives JJ into it – pushing tacks into the scalp of his opponent and into his own fucking ass cheeks.
Foote: This is a full on assault from one of the baddest mother fuckers to ever step into a CU:LT ring.
Driftwood looks over his handy work, he pulls a shit ton of random weapons from under the ring and tosses them into it. He slides under the ropes and picks up a pair of pliers. He puts then in the nose of Slayer and tries to twist and pull the fucking thing off as Slayer screams out in pain.
Sting: Driftwood is relentless with this assault.
Driftwood pulls JJ up and hits a suplex. JD puts JJ in a tight headlock then runs, driving his skull into the tacks with a bulldog. The crowd is cheering for JJ Slayer to get back into it. JD sarcastically cups his ear to the crowd then flips them off. JD grabs the back of JJ’s head while he is on the ground and rapidly fires a few headbutts, getting Slayer's blood all over his own face.
FUCK YOU DRIFTWOOD! FUCK YOU DRIFTWOOD! FUCK YOU DRIFTWOOD!
Driftwood takes his attention away from Slayer and screams over the top rope at the people in the first row.
Driftwood: Fuck you dumb fucking cunts. SUCK MY ASSHOLE RAW!\
Sting: Oh no, JJ Slayer is wiping the blood from his face. Maybe this is the opening he needed… Driftwood getting too distracted by the fans.
Slayer plants JD with a reverse scoop slam. Driftwood is taken by surprise and rolls up to his feet – JJ makes him eat a boot. The crowd is roaring for the comeback. JD is confused by the onslaught – a snap suplex from JJ. Driftwood back up and to the ropes – right into a kitchen sink. JdD roles through and before he can get an arm up for a closeline JJ knocks his block off with a short-arm lariat.
Foote: Fuck Driftwood is eating shot after shot – just like the bar – he’s gonna be fine.
Back elbows from Slayer in the corner then he hoists JD up and tossed him from the second rope with a fallaway slam. JD is holding his guts and kicking. He gets back up though and bolts for JD who hits a pop-up powerbomb right into the tacks.
Foote: Okay that is inhumane.
JD is back up and get his head ripped off with a hook closeline. JD gets slammed again with a spinning spinebuster crunching a trash can underneath himself. Slayer just stacks a bunch of barebdwire into a ball and lifts JD up in a stalling gourdbuster – he drops the big man on his head wrapping him and piercing him with the barbs.
Sting: The man is fucking cooking. Let him cook!
Foote: Slayer now has JD placed on a table and takes to the top rope. This is spelling bad news for the former New World Champion.
Slayer leaps off the top rope with a frog splash driving him and Driftwood right through the table.
Sting: THUNDERSTRUCK!
Foote: AHHHH NAHHH AHH AHH! Whatever ACDC said.
Garcia makes the count as JJ cover.
1
2
3
Foote: SHOULDER UP!
Sting: BUT NOT IN TIME!
DING! DING! DING!
Anderson: THE WINNER OF THE SECOND FALL JJ SLAYER!
JD is on his knees pleading with the ref – JJ comes over and gets a low blow for interfering. JD gets his hand on a gusset plate – he drives it into the forehead of Slayer and then DDTs him pushing it deeping into his skin. Driftwood keeps his eye on the cage slowly coming down.
Driftwood grabs a baseball bat from the collection of weapons scattered about the ring still. He knocks JJ outcold with the bat – full on cracks the fucker. If muscle, ligament and bone were not in the way Driftwood would have sent his head clear into the stands of the arena. JD knows he can’t get a pinfall till that cage is down so he pulls the head so it is just handing off the apron. JD steps out of the ring and holds it in place as the cage comes down across the throat of JJ Slayer.
Sting: Holy fuck JD is trying to decapitate JJ Slayer here tonight.
Foote:: And he might just do it.
JJ SLAYER! JJ SLAYER! JJ SLAYER!
The crowds rallying cry is doing nothing for now as JD starts climbing the side of the cage putting even more weight down across Slayer’s neck. JD shakes the side of the cage trying to get the metal bottom to cut through the flesh of Slayer’s neck.
JJ SLAYER! JJ SLAYER! JJ SLAYER!
He starts to hear the chants and kicks his legs. He grabs the mesh of the cage and his body shakes as he uses everything he can to lift the cage enough to get his head out and rolls back into the ring as the cage finally falls perfectly in place.
Sting: What did we just see!? How much does that thing weigh?
Foote: Shut the fuck up its pro wrestling.
Driftwood shakes his head as JJ escapes and tries to be a bit quicker scaling the cage – but his opponent is just a lot more athletic. Slayer scales the cage and is nailing JD with shots as he tries to get over the top. JJ helps him pulling him over with a massive superplex that nearly sends JD right through the ring.
Sting: This match is insane. There has been no low point – each many trying to take any advantage they can get.
Foote: JD Driftwood is going to have that New World Championship back in no time.
Slayer wipes the blood from his face once more and how he is raking Driftwood’s open by scraping it across the mesh of the cage. JJ pushes his foto against the back of Driftwood’s head pushing it into the mesh harder and hard, Driftwood’s blood mug twits as the mesh digs deep into his skin. Slayer picks up a guitar laid out in the ring – and when JD gets to his knees Slayer makes him wear it. Splinters fly into the air as Driftwood crumbles. Slayer goes for the cover.
1
2
KICKOUT!
Sting: Driftwood is one tough bastard.
Foote: Tougher than calloused foreskin that boy.
Both men are too their feet now and DJD snaps JJ’s head back with a forearm – blood flying off his face onto the canvas. JJ is bleeding so bad his chest is covered in dark red from the wounds he got earlier in the match. JJ fights back through, a huge forearm of his own. The pair exchange forearms and with every blow JJ’s seems to get a bit weaker. He collapses before JD can even connect with a huge forearm he was winding back. Tom Garcia checks on JJ, he’s going to call for the bell when JD grabs his hand and bites his fingers.
Driftwood: We end this shit when I decide.
JJ is pretty well lifeless on the canvas – the crowd is chanting his name once again but Slayer can’t hear shit right now. Finally his fingers flick as JD sets up a chair and pours a bag of glass shards on the seas of it. He take JJ up and leaps with a tombstone driving Slayer head first through it. Driftwood makes the cover.
1
2
3!!!!????
KICKOUT!!!!
Sting: Listen to that pop Bill.
Foote: I used to get bigger ones in bingo halls. Fuck him up Driftwood – keep the petal to the metal.
Slayer has made it to his knees – JD has his fist wrapped in barbedwire and starts nailing JJ over and over. JJ somehow stays on his knees despite the blood loss.
SLAYER! SLAYER! SLAYER! SLAYER!
He starts to hear the crowd – he shakes his head after the next blow. He shakes his head after the second. JJ Slayer gets to his feet – JD swings and Slayer grabs his hand and points….
YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!
Foote: He’s like the Incredible Hulk or some shit.
JJ with a big dropkick taking JD down. Slayer with a huge full nelson slam. Slayer picks JD up and torpedos him into one side of the cage – then the other – then the other. Slayer tosses the fat fucker with a lot of gusto on the final wall of the cage and send JD right through the side… the side pops off as Driftwood exist the ring and lands on the outside.
Sting: Driftwood sent right through the side of the cage. He would have won if escape was an option – but we need a pinfall or submission to crown a winner in this one.
Slayer takes the mesh that has left go and pulls it into the ring laying on the canvas. He goes back on the outside and JD meets him with some stiff shots then a neckbreaker on the outside. JD hits a pumphandle driver on the outside then picks Slayer up and tosses him into the ring for the cover.
1
2
3!!????
KICKOUT!
Foote: These men are in a war and everyone in the arena is on their feet. They missed the ass whoopings Driftwood hands out.
Sting: It’s amazing Slayer hasn’t just bled out.
Driftwood hauls Slayer to his feet and eats a European uppercut – Driftwood staggers and Slayer spins hom around nailing a reverse powerslam driving JD down metal mesh lacing the canvas. Slayer to the top – he comes off with a frog splash but pretty well flops off the top rope – as he hits Driftwood blood falls from his face onto the canvas. He makes the cover.
1
2
3!!!!!!!!
DING! DING! DING!
Anderson: THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH JJ SLAYER!!!!
Sting: Slayer wins with Thunderstuck!
JJ’s theme plays as referee Tom Garcia tries to help him to his feet to raise his hand. The cage slowly lifts as JJ pulls himself up with the ropes. He steps out of the ring and makes his way to the back.
Foote: What a fucking match. Hell of an outing by both those boys.
All Eyes On You” by Smash Into Pieces begins to play as JJ Slayer makes his way onto the entrance ramp.
Anderson: Now coming to the ring JJ Slayer!
Sting: The crowd really behind JJ Slayer here. The fans were just as pissed as he was the match with JD Driftwood last month was a draw. This is a chance for JJ to prove he is the better man without a shadow of a doubt.
Foote: JD is going to fuck a new hole in this man’s head.
After a brief pause to yell towards the cheering crowd Slayer goes to rush down the rampway – but he is stopped dead in his tracks by a metal chair nailing him in the back of the skull – JD Driftwood holds it up proudly as the crowd roars.
Sting: What in the fuck does JD Driftwood think he is doing out here?
Foote: Winning, JD ain’t as stupid as he looks, sounds or acts. He got the jump on JJ now.
All the way down the ramp JD laces JJ with chair shots ringing out louder than the jeers every time Driftwood connects. Slayer makes it to ringside and makes the dumb mistake of sitting beside the steps. JD runs and crushing JJ’s head against the ring steps with a brutal boot – puts all his weight behind it. Driftwood spits on the ground.
Driftwood: DUMB MOTHERFUCKER RIGHT HERE!
Sting: This is not how things were supposed to go.
Foote: Fuck it, JD will fight you anywhere at anytime and he is proving that right now. JJ should have been prepared for anything.
JD powerbombs Slayer into the steps. He pulse JJ up by his hair now and cracks him with some forearms. Driftwood pulls a fork out of his pants and just starts giving JJ some fucking color blood spurting onto the padding outside the ring. So JD moves it, then DDT’s Slayer on the exposed concrete. His body goes limp.
Driftwood: They call him slayer? HE AINT FUCKING SHIT! I RUN THIS FUCKING GAME!
JD grabs two chairs and puts them together with a barbed wire board across them. He manages to pull Slayer up to the ring apron as referee Tom Garcia begs him to get in the ring and start the match. Driftwood face washes the ref. The distraction allows Slayer to finally fight back with forearms – he’s backing JD up and as Driftwood is about to fall through the barbedwire-chair hybrid he birthed he kicks Slayer in the gut stopping him. He then gets Slayer up and leaps off the ring apron with a vertebreaker right through the chairs and barbedwire board.
Foote: FULL ON HEADER!!!!
Driftwood is up and tosses Slayer under the bottom rope.
DING! DING! DING!
Sting: Finally the bell rings starting the match.
JD covers Slayer right away and starts jaw wagging at the ref to fucking count.
1
2
3!!!!
DING! DING! DING!
Sting: This was supposed to be a motherfucking regular wrestling match!
Foote: JD don’t fuck with that.
Anderson: The winner of the first fall JD DRIFTWOOD!
Sting: This is bullshit.
Slayer is crawling for the ropes with blood spilling down his face. JD comes up with a pizza cutter and starts mangling the face of the former CU:LT Classic Champion – turning the stomach of fans in the front row. Then JD spills a sack of tacks out on the canvas and piledrives JJ into it – pushing tacks into the scalp of his opponent and into his own fucking ass cheeks.
Foote: This is a full on assault from one of the baddest mother fuckers to ever step into a CU:LT ring.
Driftwood looks over his handy work, he pulls a shit ton of random weapons from under the ring and tosses them into it. He slides under the ropes and picks up a pair of pliers. He puts then in the nose of Slayer and tries to twist and pull the fucking thing off as Slayer screams out in pain.
Sting: Driftwood is relentless with this assault.
Driftwood pulls JJ up and hits a suplex. JD puts JJ in a tight headlock then runs, driving his skull into the tacks with a bulldog. The crowd is cheering for JJ Slayer to get back into it. JD sarcastically cups his ear to the crowd then flips them off. JD grabs the back of JJ’s head while he is on the ground and rapidly fires a few headbutts, getting Slayer's blood all over his own face.
FUCK YOU DRIFTWOOD! FUCK YOU DRIFTWOOD! FUCK YOU DRIFTWOOD!
Driftwood takes his attention away from Slayer and screams over the top rope at the people in the first row.
Driftwood: Fuck you dumb fucking cunts. SUCK MY ASSHOLE RAW!\
Sting: Oh no, JJ Slayer is wiping the blood from his face. Maybe this is the opening he needed… Driftwood getting too distracted by the fans.
Slayer plants JD with a reverse scoop slam. Driftwood is taken by surprise and rolls up to his feet – JJ makes him eat a boot. The crowd is roaring for the comeback. JD is confused by the onslaught – a snap suplex from JJ. Driftwood back up and to the ropes – right into a kitchen sink. JdD roles through and before he can get an arm up for a closeline JJ knocks his block off with a short-arm lariat.
Foote: Fuck Driftwood is eating shot after shot – just like the bar – he’s gonna be fine.
Back elbows from Slayer in the corner then he hoists JD up and tossed him from the second rope with a fallaway slam. JD is holding his guts and kicking. He gets back up though and bolts for JD who hits a pop-up powerbomb right into the tacks.
Foote: Okay that is inhumane.
JD is back up and get his head ripped off with a hook closeline. JD gets slammed again with a spinning spinebuster crunching a trash can underneath himself. Slayer just stacks a bunch of barebdwire into a ball and lifts JD up in a stalling gourdbuster – he drops the big man on his head wrapping him and piercing him with the barbs.
Sting: The man is fucking cooking. Let him cook!
Foote: Slayer now has JD placed on a table and takes to the top rope. This is spelling bad news for the former New World Champion.
Slayer leaps off the top rope with a frog splash driving him and Driftwood right through the table.
Sting: THUNDERSTRUCK!
Foote: AHHHH NAHHH AHH AHH! Whatever ACDC said.
Garcia makes the count as JJ cover.
1
2
3
Foote: SHOULDER UP!
Sting: BUT NOT IN TIME!
DING! DING! DING!
Anderson: THE WINNER OF THE SECOND FALL JJ SLAYER!
JD is on his knees pleading with the ref – JJ comes over and gets a low blow for interfering. JD gets his hand on a gusset plate – he drives it into the forehead of Slayer and then DDTs him pushing it deeping into his skin. Driftwood keeps his eye on the cage slowly coming down.
Driftwood grabs a baseball bat from the collection of weapons scattered about the ring still. He knocks JJ outcold with the bat – full on cracks the fucker. If muscle, ligament and bone were not in the way Driftwood would have sent his head clear into the stands of the arena. JD knows he can’t get a pinfall till that cage is down so he pulls the head so it is just handing off the apron. JD steps out of the ring and holds it in place as the cage comes down across the throat of JJ Slayer.
Sting: Holy fuck JD is trying to decapitate JJ Slayer here tonight.
Foote:: And he might just do it.
JJ SLAYER! JJ SLAYER! JJ SLAYER!
The crowds rallying cry is doing nothing for now as JD starts climbing the side of the cage putting even more weight down across Slayer’s neck. JD shakes the side of the cage trying to get the metal bottom to cut through the flesh of Slayer’s neck.
JJ SLAYER! JJ SLAYER! JJ SLAYER!
He starts to hear the chants and kicks his legs. He grabs the mesh of the cage and his body shakes as he uses everything he can to lift the cage enough to get his head out and rolls back into the ring as the cage finally falls perfectly in place.
Sting: What did we just see!? How much does that thing weigh?
Foote: Shut the fuck up its pro wrestling.
Driftwood shakes his head as JJ escapes and tries to be a bit quicker scaling the cage – but his opponent is just a lot more athletic. Slayer scales the cage and is nailing JD with shots as he tries to get over the top. JJ helps him pulling him over with a massive superplex that nearly sends JD right through the ring.
Sting: This match is insane. There has been no low point – each many trying to take any advantage they can get.
Foote: JD Driftwood is going to have that New World Championship back in no time.
Slayer wipes the blood from his face once more and how he is raking Driftwood’s open by scraping it across the mesh of the cage. JJ pushes his foto against the back of Driftwood’s head pushing it into the mesh harder and hard, Driftwood’s blood mug twits as the mesh digs deep into his skin. Slayer picks up a guitar laid out in the ring – and when JD gets to his knees Slayer makes him wear it. Splinters fly into the air as Driftwood crumbles. Slayer goes for the cover.
1
2
KICKOUT!
Sting: Driftwood is one tough bastard.
Foote: Tougher than calloused foreskin that boy.
Both men are too their feet now and DJD snaps JJ’s head back with a forearm – blood flying off his face onto the canvas. JJ is bleeding so bad his chest is covered in dark red from the wounds he got earlier in the match. JJ fights back through, a huge forearm of his own. The pair exchange forearms and with every blow JJ’s seems to get a bit weaker. He collapses before JD can even connect with a huge forearm he was winding back. Tom Garcia checks on JJ, he’s going to call for the bell when JD grabs his hand and bites his fingers.
Driftwood: We end this shit when I decide.
JJ is pretty well lifeless on the canvas – the crowd is chanting his name once again but Slayer can’t hear shit right now. Finally his fingers flick as JD sets up a chair and pours a bag of glass shards on the seas of it. He take JJ up and leaps with a tombstone driving Slayer head first through it. Driftwood makes the cover.
1
2
3!!!!????
KICKOUT!!!!
Sting: Listen to that pop Bill.
Foote: I used to get bigger ones in bingo halls. Fuck him up Driftwood – keep the petal to the metal.
Slayer has made it to his knees – JD has his fist wrapped in barbedwire and starts nailing JJ over and over. JJ somehow stays on his knees despite the blood loss.
SLAYER! SLAYER! SLAYER! SLAYER!
He starts to hear the crowd – he shakes his head after the next blow. He shakes his head after the second. JJ Slayer gets to his feet – JD swings and Slayer grabs his hand and points….
YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!
Foote: He’s like the Incredible Hulk or some shit.
JJ with a big dropkick taking JD down. Slayer with a huge full nelson slam. Slayer picks JD up and torpedos him into one side of the cage – then the other – then the other. Slayer tosses the fat fucker with a lot of gusto on the final wall of the cage and send JD right through the side… the side pops off as Driftwood exist the ring and lands on the outside.
Sting: Driftwood sent right through the side of the cage. He would have won if escape was an option – but we need a pinfall or submission to crown a winner in this one.
Slayer takes the mesh that has left go and pulls it into the ring laying on the canvas. He goes back on the outside and JD meets him with some stiff shots then a neckbreaker on the outside. JD hits a pumphandle driver on the outside then picks Slayer up and tosses him into the ring for the cover.
1
2
3!!????
KICKOUT!
Foote: These men are in a war and everyone in the arena is on their feet. They missed the ass whoopings Driftwood hands out.
Sting: It’s amazing Slayer hasn’t just bled out.
Driftwood hauls Slayer to his feet and eats a European uppercut – Driftwood staggers and Slayer spins hom around nailing a reverse powerslam driving JD down metal mesh lacing the canvas. Slayer to the top – he comes off with a frog splash but pretty well flops off the top rope – as he hits Driftwood blood falls from his face onto the canvas. He makes the cover.
1
2
3!!!!!!!!
DING! DING! DING!
Anderson: THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH JJ SLAYER!!!!
Sting: Slayer wins with Thunderstuck!
JJ’s theme plays as referee Tom Garcia tries to help him to his feet to raise his hand. The cage slowly lifts as JJ pulls himself up with the ropes. He steps out of the ring and makes his way to the back.
Foote: What a fucking match. Hell of an outing by both those boys.
JC Keeton is already in the ring shadow boxing like a complete fucking asshole.
Anderson: Now coming to the ring ALICE GEMINI!
“Widdershins" by King 810 blasts throughout the arena and Bright Green lights flash quickly as the fans get to their feet as Alice walks out onto the stage. She soaks in the reaction for a moment before throwing up her middle fingers at the crowd while biting her bottom lip.
Sting: This woman will get a shot at the New World Championship cashing in her rematch clause against whoever wins the main event tonight.
Foote: That’s bad fucking news for Matt Knox or Johnny Bacchus.
She makes her way down the ramp and stops at different fans and makes them flinch and then laughs it off as she walks away from them. She hops up onto the apron and onto a single knee, looks up at the camera and screams at the top of her lungs. She slides into the ring and walks into the nearest corner and starts to kick the bottom rope to get fired up. She puts both of her hands in the form of dual-wielding pistols and points them at the camera.
DING! DING! DING
JC comes running with shots to the body and face and it just seems like Alice is letting him go to town. Alice stops it right where she wants with a toe to the gut. She plants JC just like that with an Emerald Flowsion Kai.
Sting: KILLER GEMINI JUST LIKE THAT.
1
2
3!!!
DING! DING! DING!
Anderson: THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH ALICE GEMINI!
Foote: That right there may have been the quickest match in CU:LT history. I am sorry fro any JC Keeton fans.
Alice looks into the hardcam – suddenly blood starts flowing from her mouth as the scene shifts to the next match.
Sting: Sending a message with her actions to whoever walks out New World Champion tonight.
Anderson: Now coming to the ring ALICE GEMINI!
“Widdershins" by King 810 blasts throughout the arena and Bright Green lights flash quickly as the fans get to their feet as Alice walks out onto the stage. She soaks in the reaction for a moment before throwing up her middle fingers at the crowd while biting her bottom lip.
Sting: This woman will get a shot at the New World Championship cashing in her rematch clause against whoever wins the main event tonight.
Foote: That’s bad fucking news for Matt Knox or Johnny Bacchus.
She makes her way down the ramp and stops at different fans and makes them flinch and then laughs it off as she walks away from them. She hops up onto the apron and onto a single knee, looks up at the camera and screams at the top of her lungs. She slides into the ring and walks into the nearest corner and starts to kick the bottom rope to get fired up. She puts both of her hands in the form of dual-wielding pistols and points them at the camera.
DING! DING! DING
JC comes running with shots to the body and face and it just seems like Alice is letting him go to town. Alice stops it right where she wants with a toe to the gut. She plants JC just like that with an Emerald Flowsion Kai.
Sting: KILLER GEMINI JUST LIKE THAT.
1
2
3!!!
DING! DING! DING!
Anderson: THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH ALICE GEMINI!
Foote: That right there may have been the quickest match in CU:LT history. I am sorry fro any JC Keeton fans.
Alice looks into the hardcam – suddenly blood starts flowing from her mouth as the scene shifts to the next match.
Sting: Sending a message with her actions to whoever walks out New World Champion tonight.
The Walkers cheery theme plays through the area as the screen cuts to various shots of the family members smiling and performing various actions while their names pop up one by one. As the theme plays out and a final logo reading "THE WALKERS" is plastered over a group picture of the family, the feed cuts to the ring where Abby and Will are standing in the ring – the camera pans to the front row where their parents sit.
Sting: Alice and Robert Walker deciding to watch this match from the front row.
Foote: I don’t know if that is a smart idea… they are about to get absolutely mugged by the greatest team to ever grace a CU:LT ring.
Sting: Three Ring Barney will be back one day…
The lights blink out, darkness sweeping the arena as World's End Valentine begins, the regal strings echoing. The build begins, the music shifts to malevolent chiptune, as a pair of red spotlights beam down upon each side of the entryway. Haru Niijima stands to the left, Kaede Iruma to the right, their eyes forward – Double Homicide Championships around their waists. Niijima scowls at the crowd, while Iruma gives them a playful smirk. The two turn to one another, approaching the aisle and meeting for an explosive fist bump.
Anderson: Now coming to the ring the team of Haru Niijima and Kaede Iruma… THE HEARTKILLERS!
Sting: This team has been very impressive, but I am pulling for The Walkers tonight. Ratings might slip if they lose the title.
Foote: I hate that fucking show. Heartkillers need a TV deal right now – their intelligent social commentary is something I would subscribe to.
The crowd jeers as they begin the walk to the ring, Haru giving the fans a disinterested look as Kaede teases high-fives before pulling her hand back at the last second. Haru takes the ring steps to the apron, while Kaede dashes and slides under the bottom rope. They climb adjacent turnbuckles, Haru bowing her head in a moment of pre-match meditation. Kaede flicks her ponytails with a pair of middle fingers, before hopping back to the canvas. The Heartkillers and hands their titles over to JJ Huffman who raises them up in the air and calls for the bell.
DING! DING! DING!
It’s Abby and Haru will kick things off – you see Abby swallow hard as the two circle each other – Will cheering his sister on. Haru with a hip toss, but Abby flips and lands on her feet chaining into one of her own – but Haru also flips through this continues about four times then both hit the ropes and nail each other with a close line – both of them kip up at the same time and are face to face once again as the crowd cheers.
Sting: Pretty evenly matched out there. Abby is picking up very quickly for being a pretty green wrestler.
Abby bows to the clapping crowd – Haru’s brow furrows. She runs at Abby and takes her down with a discus elbow smash, Abby on her arse now and Haru nails a running knee smash – she follows through and gets right in the face of Will as if to say he is next.
Foote: Heartkillers are going to rip the heart from each chest of this family. Once they break the young ones they will fucking scalp Alice and Bobby there.
Sting: So violent.
Haru locks Abby up in an inverted figure four leg log – she is able to lay on her stomach and rest her head in her hands as she stares at Will with sarcastic longing. Abby works hard though and pulls the pair to the other side of the ring where she reaches for the ropes but Kaede jumps off the apron and pulls the rope back out of reach. Senior Senior Referee JJ Huffman hollers at Kaede – Haru breaks the hold. She tags in Kaede as she gets back up to the apron and the team hits a double suplex on Abby before swapping out.
Foote: Testbook tag team psychology from these two tiny killers.
Sting: It was just a fucking tag out…
Straightjacker neckbreaker on Abby from Kaede. She pulls Abby up to her feet – feeds her an evening meal of a few forearms then sends her back to the ground via Diamond Cutter. Kaede with the cover.
1
2
3
KICKOUT!
Foote: PURE TALENT! THE ABSOLUTE BEST TAG TEAM!
Sting: Abby kicked out… this match continue what the fuck are you on?
Abby with some shots to the abdomen – Kaede kicks her in the side of the head dropping her again. Addy can hear her parents screaming for her to get up and she uses everying in her body to battle back she hits a couple of shin kicks then a roundhouse staggering Kaede. She leaps and tags in Will!
Sting: This is what they call a hot tag.
Foote: HE WILL BE STOPPED BY THE POWER OF THE HEARTKILLERS!
Will comes in like a bolt of lightning he hits a spear on Kaede – then dropkicks Haru off the ring apron. The crowd is going wild being led by Alice and Robert in the front row so glad their kids aren’t fully crumbling on the world stage. Will hits a bicycle kick on Kaede and goes for the pin.
1
2
KICKOUT!
Foote: Not enough to keep one half of the greatest tag team in the world down.
Sting: The Walkers need to keep the pressure on. They need to make their family proud again.
Kaede and Will are exchanging strike – Will uses his strength advantage to hit a spine buster, following up with a leg drop. Then he hits a variation of the people’s elbow except he stops and pretends to surf like he did in the CU:LT commercial. This enrages Haru who kicks the bottom rope and slams her hand into the turnbuckle trying to get the tag in.
Foote: She HATES couch surfing!
Sting: Well if things keep up The Walkers will fake surf their way to their second title run.
Haru is leaning over the ropes trying to get Will to let Kaede tag out and fight her – maybe it’s stupidity but he does. Haru enters and she takes Will down with a karate kick. Will is quick to get up and Haru nails a cartwheel death valley driver. Haru pulls Will up and runs against the ropes making him eat a double knee to the face.
Foote: Haru is a cultural icon.
Sting: I mean I wouldn’t go that far… pretty sure The Walkers are making their way to syndication.
Will battles back with shots to the stomach and then bionic elbow to the head dropping Haru. Will tags Abby in. Haru meets her with some stiff kicks then a victory roll.
1
2
KICKOUT!
Sting: Trying to sneak one there!
Abby rolls to her feet from the kickout she launches at Haru with a flying forearm taking her out. Abby screams as her parents beat the side of the railing trying to rally support for their beloved children. Abby starts going wild with kicks, a couple to the legs, a few to the ribs – a huge shot to the gut and when Haru hits her knees Abby kicks Haru in the temple – Haru on her hands and knees and she nearly punts the champion’s head off. Will is on the apron trying to think of a way to prevent Kaede from breaking up the pin.
Robert: Hey son!
Will turns to Robert who tosses him a football – Will nods his head in slow motion as his dad winks. Will lines up Kaede as she comes through the middle rope and throws a perfect fucking spiral into her eye socket. She flips through the air as Abby flies off the top rope with an elbow drop onto Haru.
1
2
3??????!!!!!!!!
Sting: IT’S OVER!!!!
KICKOUT!
The boos as Haru’s shoulder comes off the canvas. Will tags in off Abby after she drops Kaede with a running leg lariat for good measure. Will waits until Haru gets on her hands and knees then drives her face down into the canvas.
Foot: Heartkillers in a bad spit here.
1
2
3!!!?????
Sting: ANOTHER KICKOUT!
Kaede is up – if it worked once it will work again. Robert tosses a bag of footballs over the railing. Will tags Abby into the match one more to take care of Haru. Will starts rapid firing launching balls at Kaede – and they are all being sliced in half – Kaede cutting through all the balls with a Haru’s bokken – the sword cutting the balls like butter.
Foote: The skill of Kaede is unmatched. These kids want to play with balls Kaede will chop them up.
Kaede is walking will down with the sword – Abby cuts her off with a baseball slide. She yells at Will to get in the ring. He slides under the ropes and puts Haru up on his shoulders. Abby comes off the top with a closeline – but Haru ducks then backflips off the shoulders of Will onto her feet. Abby stands up and Kaede is waiting for her – she drives Abby’s skull to the canvas with a straight jacket DDT.
Foote: Abby taken out by CUPID’S BULLET!
Will turns around and takes a main skull kick – he falls face first onto the mat.
Sting: Singularity Kick by Haru!
Haru covers Will.
1
2
3
Foote: IT IS OVER!
KICKOUT!!!!!!!!
The crows cheers loudly – but it doesn’t distract Haru who motions for Kaede to come over. They put Will up in a stalling suplex – Abby is getting to her feet outside the ring. Kaede keeps her eye on Abby and when they release Will – Haru plants him with a brain buster and Kaede splits away diving through the ropes to take Abby out. Haru makes the cover.
1
2
3!!!?????
DING! DING! DING!
Foote: What a match… what a clinic… this team will be on top for a while.
Anderson: THE WINNERS OF THIS MATCH AND STILL DOUBLE HOMICIDE CHAMPIONS THE HEARTKILLERS!
Sting: The Walkers almost had the titles back at several points. I don’t think this is the end of their feud.
The crowd is booing loudly as The Heartkillers hoist up their championships Kaede and Haru hug and flip the entire audience off. Then they start stomping on Will and Abby – the bell rings over and over and over.
Sting: Someone needs to stop this.
That’s when Robert and Alice clear the barricade and charge the ring in defense of their battered children. Robert hits Haru with a snap power slam – a running bulldog from Alice on Kaede. Alice launches Haru into the turnbuckle hard, her body bouncing off the pads and hitting the ground. She rolls out of the ring.
Sting: GOOD HOUSEKEEPING BY ALICE WALKER! She has got Haru out of the way.
Alice is checking on the kids and Robert lines Kaede up – and nails a knockout punch on Kaede sending her across the ring and under the ropes to join her tag team partner.
Foote: Oh he thinks he is the man of this house? NO! The Heartkillers RUN this tag team division.
The Walkers stand tall in the ring – Robert shouting at The Heartkillers as they back up the ramp their titles in their hands – flipping off the whole fucking family.
Sting: Alice and Robert Walker deciding to watch this match from the front row.
Foote: I don’t know if that is a smart idea… they are about to get absolutely mugged by the greatest team to ever grace a CU:LT ring.
Sting: Three Ring Barney will be back one day…
The lights blink out, darkness sweeping the arena as World's End Valentine begins, the regal strings echoing. The build begins, the music shifts to malevolent chiptune, as a pair of red spotlights beam down upon each side of the entryway. Haru Niijima stands to the left, Kaede Iruma to the right, their eyes forward – Double Homicide Championships around their waists. Niijima scowls at the crowd, while Iruma gives them a playful smirk. The two turn to one another, approaching the aisle and meeting for an explosive fist bump.
Anderson: Now coming to the ring the team of Haru Niijima and Kaede Iruma… THE HEARTKILLERS!
Sting: This team has been very impressive, but I am pulling for The Walkers tonight. Ratings might slip if they lose the title.
Foote: I hate that fucking show. Heartkillers need a TV deal right now – their intelligent social commentary is something I would subscribe to.
The crowd jeers as they begin the walk to the ring, Haru giving the fans a disinterested look as Kaede teases high-fives before pulling her hand back at the last second. Haru takes the ring steps to the apron, while Kaede dashes and slides under the bottom rope. They climb adjacent turnbuckles, Haru bowing her head in a moment of pre-match meditation. Kaede flicks her ponytails with a pair of middle fingers, before hopping back to the canvas. The Heartkillers and hands their titles over to JJ Huffman who raises them up in the air and calls for the bell.
DING! DING! DING!
It’s Abby and Haru will kick things off – you see Abby swallow hard as the two circle each other – Will cheering his sister on. Haru with a hip toss, but Abby flips and lands on her feet chaining into one of her own – but Haru also flips through this continues about four times then both hit the ropes and nail each other with a close line – both of them kip up at the same time and are face to face once again as the crowd cheers.
Sting: Pretty evenly matched out there. Abby is picking up very quickly for being a pretty green wrestler.
Abby bows to the clapping crowd – Haru’s brow furrows. She runs at Abby and takes her down with a discus elbow smash, Abby on her arse now and Haru nails a running knee smash – she follows through and gets right in the face of Will as if to say he is next.
Foote: Heartkillers are going to rip the heart from each chest of this family. Once they break the young ones they will fucking scalp Alice and Bobby there.
Sting: So violent.
Haru locks Abby up in an inverted figure four leg log – she is able to lay on her stomach and rest her head in her hands as she stares at Will with sarcastic longing. Abby works hard though and pulls the pair to the other side of the ring where she reaches for the ropes but Kaede jumps off the apron and pulls the rope back out of reach. Senior Senior Referee JJ Huffman hollers at Kaede – Haru breaks the hold. She tags in Kaede as she gets back up to the apron and the team hits a double suplex on Abby before swapping out.
Foote: Testbook tag team psychology from these two tiny killers.
Sting: It was just a fucking tag out…
Straightjacker neckbreaker on Abby from Kaede. She pulls Abby up to her feet – feeds her an evening meal of a few forearms then sends her back to the ground via Diamond Cutter. Kaede with the cover.
1
2
3
KICKOUT!
Foote: PURE TALENT! THE ABSOLUTE BEST TAG TEAM!
Sting: Abby kicked out… this match continue what the fuck are you on?
Abby with some shots to the abdomen – Kaede kicks her in the side of the head dropping her again. Addy can hear her parents screaming for her to get up and she uses everying in her body to battle back she hits a couple of shin kicks then a roundhouse staggering Kaede. She leaps and tags in Will!
Sting: This is what they call a hot tag.
Foote: HE WILL BE STOPPED BY THE POWER OF THE HEARTKILLERS!
Will comes in like a bolt of lightning he hits a spear on Kaede – then dropkicks Haru off the ring apron. The crowd is going wild being led by Alice and Robert in the front row so glad their kids aren’t fully crumbling on the world stage. Will hits a bicycle kick on Kaede and goes for the pin.
1
2
KICKOUT!
Foote: Not enough to keep one half of the greatest tag team in the world down.
Sting: The Walkers need to keep the pressure on. They need to make their family proud again.
Kaede and Will are exchanging strike – Will uses his strength advantage to hit a spine buster, following up with a leg drop. Then he hits a variation of the people’s elbow except he stops and pretends to surf like he did in the CU:LT commercial. This enrages Haru who kicks the bottom rope and slams her hand into the turnbuckle trying to get the tag in.
Foote: She HATES couch surfing!
Sting: Well if things keep up The Walkers will fake surf their way to their second title run.
Haru is leaning over the ropes trying to get Will to let Kaede tag out and fight her – maybe it’s stupidity but he does. Haru enters and she takes Will down with a karate kick. Will is quick to get up and Haru nails a cartwheel death valley driver. Haru pulls Will up and runs against the ropes making him eat a double knee to the face.
Foote: Haru is a cultural icon.
Sting: I mean I wouldn’t go that far… pretty sure The Walkers are making their way to syndication.
Will battles back with shots to the stomach and then bionic elbow to the head dropping Haru. Will tags Abby in. Haru meets her with some stiff kicks then a victory roll.
1
2
KICKOUT!
Sting: Trying to sneak one there!
Abby rolls to her feet from the kickout she launches at Haru with a flying forearm taking her out. Abby screams as her parents beat the side of the railing trying to rally support for their beloved children. Abby starts going wild with kicks, a couple to the legs, a few to the ribs – a huge shot to the gut and when Haru hits her knees Abby kicks Haru in the temple – Haru on her hands and knees and she nearly punts the champion’s head off. Will is on the apron trying to think of a way to prevent Kaede from breaking up the pin.
Robert: Hey son!
Will turns to Robert who tosses him a football – Will nods his head in slow motion as his dad winks. Will lines up Kaede as she comes through the middle rope and throws a perfect fucking spiral into her eye socket. She flips through the air as Abby flies off the top rope with an elbow drop onto Haru.
1
2
3??????!!!!!!!!
Sting: IT’S OVER!!!!
KICKOUT!
The boos as Haru’s shoulder comes off the canvas. Will tags in off Abby after she drops Kaede with a running leg lariat for good measure. Will waits until Haru gets on her hands and knees then drives her face down into the canvas.
Foot: Heartkillers in a bad spit here.
1
2
3!!!?????
Sting: ANOTHER KICKOUT!
Kaede is up – if it worked once it will work again. Robert tosses a bag of footballs over the railing. Will tags Abby into the match one more to take care of Haru. Will starts rapid firing launching balls at Kaede – and they are all being sliced in half – Kaede cutting through all the balls with a Haru’s bokken – the sword cutting the balls like butter.
Foote: The skill of Kaede is unmatched. These kids want to play with balls Kaede will chop them up.
Kaede is walking will down with the sword – Abby cuts her off with a baseball slide. She yells at Will to get in the ring. He slides under the ropes and puts Haru up on his shoulders. Abby comes off the top with a closeline – but Haru ducks then backflips off the shoulders of Will onto her feet. Abby stands up and Kaede is waiting for her – she drives Abby’s skull to the canvas with a straight jacket DDT.
Foote: Abby taken out by CUPID’S BULLET!
Will turns around and takes a main skull kick – he falls face first onto the mat.
Sting: Singularity Kick by Haru!
Haru covers Will.
1
2
3
Foote: IT IS OVER!
KICKOUT!!!!!!!!
The crows cheers loudly – but it doesn’t distract Haru who motions for Kaede to come over. They put Will up in a stalling suplex – Abby is getting to her feet outside the ring. Kaede keeps her eye on Abby and when they release Will – Haru plants him with a brain buster and Kaede splits away diving through the ropes to take Abby out. Haru makes the cover.
1
2
3!!!?????
DING! DING! DING!
Foote: What a match… what a clinic… this team will be on top for a while.
Anderson: THE WINNERS OF THIS MATCH AND STILL DOUBLE HOMICIDE CHAMPIONS THE HEARTKILLERS!
Sting: The Walkers almost had the titles back at several points. I don’t think this is the end of their feud.
The crowd is booing loudly as The Heartkillers hoist up their championships Kaede and Haru hug and flip the entire audience off. Then they start stomping on Will and Abby – the bell rings over and over and over.
Sting: Someone needs to stop this.
That’s when Robert and Alice clear the barricade and charge the ring in defense of their battered children. Robert hits Haru with a snap power slam – a running bulldog from Alice on Kaede. Alice launches Haru into the turnbuckle hard, her body bouncing off the pads and hitting the ground. She rolls out of the ring.
Sting: GOOD HOUSEKEEPING BY ALICE WALKER! She has got Haru out of the way.
Alice is checking on the kids and Robert lines Kaede up – and nails a knockout punch on Kaede sending her across the ring and under the ropes to join her tag team partner.
Foote: Oh he thinks he is the man of this house? NO! The Heartkillers RUN this tag team division.
The Walkers stand tall in the ring – Robert shouting at The Heartkillers as they back up the ramp their titles in their hands – flipping off the whole fucking family.
So just outside the Extracto Events Center, Casanova English has spirited himself away for a fleeting moment of solitude. Solitude, and a smoke. The roars of the crowd within the Waco venue were muffled exponentially, and this part of the building was mercifully peaceful outside besides. That tranquility in a sea of insanity was about to be breached. He takes a deep drag before exhaling in a sudden and sharply frustrated manner.
Casanova English: What do you want now?
There’s nobody around.
Until there is: from around one of those large blue garbage bins, KILROY rises to his feet, snapping his fingers in disappointment at getting caught spying on his boss.
KILROY: Got a light?
Casanova English: Where’s your cigarette?
KILROY pats himself down, then shrugs.
KILROY: Got a butt?
Casanova English: Oh, sure.
The CU:LT owner rummages for his cigarette case, pulls another cancer stick out, tosses his lit one to the ground, and proceeds to light the new one as he puts out the old one. He takes a medium-sized drag off it. KILROY just shrugs it off and joins his “friend” to lean up against the wall, even trying to emulate his posture and positioning.
KILROY: So, uh, I'm gonna have to postpone the match now.
Casanova takes yet another drag.
Casanova English: You’re gonna do no such thing.
KILROY: But I’m not in aaaaaany shape to compete tonight!
Casanova English: So you either injured yourself with that stupid table stunt of yours… or, hmm, could it be possible that now that you’ve got your wish you’ve got cold feet?
KILROY looks so appalled he balled up a fist, but then flashed an assuring (?) smile to his pal-boss.
KILROY: Cold feet? Cold FEEEET?! I’m from California - I don’t even KNOW what cold means! What’s “cold” mean? Huh? What’s that word?
Casanova sighed as he shut his eyes.
Casanova English: So then…
KILROY: I just… Uhhh, I just feel this is all a-comin’ to a head too soon.
There was a pause.
Casanova English: This show’s called All Hell’s Acoming.
KILROY: Acomin’.
Casanova English: I know what I named my own show.
KILROY: All right!
The brute’s unconvincing tone really irritated Casanova, but he was still convinced this nut was actively antagonizing him, so he didn’t give his employee the satisfaction, just in case.
KILROY: Destiny, kismet, fate, fortune, whatever you call it, however it acomes about, it acomes. It acomes and it acomes hard. HARD, Casanova English.
Casanova English: Goddamn you.
KIROY: Huh?
Casanova let that slip, but just beckoned for the lunatic to continue.
KILROY: I just want Junko Souma to… TWIST!!! in the WIND! To fear for her life for a little longer.
Casanova English: She’s beaten you indirectly, she’s beaten you directly…
KILROY: I mean, it realllllly should be Junko Souma begging YOU to stop this massacre from happening! You know, between you and me-
KILROY looks around for anyone, but obviously nobody else is around.
KILROY: I think there’s somethin’ SCREWY with that chick!
Casanova destroyed the remainder of his smoke, and tossed it - almost slamming it - to the ground as he exhaled the last of his joy.
Casanova English: I’m done. Get ready for your match now.
He then left without hearing KILROY out, though that was certainly for the best. Now alone, KILROY appears confused.
KILROY: But I thought we agreed to- ah, ta hell with it!
He stoops down to pick up Casanova’s cigarette, still lit but dying fast. He appears to be ready to smoke some of it himself, but he instead pops it into his mouth and eats it.
KILROY: Ahh, rich Virginia tobacco! “♫Winston tastes good like a-♫”
He pounds on the exit door twice.
KILROY: “♫cigarette should!♫”
Casanova English: What do you want now?
There’s nobody around.
Until there is: from around one of those large blue garbage bins, KILROY rises to his feet, snapping his fingers in disappointment at getting caught spying on his boss.
KILROY: Got a light?
Casanova English: Where’s your cigarette?
KILROY pats himself down, then shrugs.
KILROY: Got a butt?
Casanova English: Oh, sure.
The CU:LT owner rummages for his cigarette case, pulls another cancer stick out, tosses his lit one to the ground, and proceeds to light the new one as he puts out the old one. He takes a medium-sized drag off it. KILROY just shrugs it off and joins his “friend” to lean up against the wall, even trying to emulate his posture and positioning.
KILROY: So, uh, I'm gonna have to postpone the match now.
Casanova takes yet another drag.
Casanova English: You’re gonna do no such thing.
KILROY: But I’m not in aaaaaany shape to compete tonight!
Casanova English: So you either injured yourself with that stupid table stunt of yours… or, hmm, could it be possible that now that you’ve got your wish you’ve got cold feet?
KILROY looks so appalled he balled up a fist, but then flashed an assuring (?) smile to his pal-boss.
KILROY: Cold feet? Cold FEEEET?! I’m from California - I don’t even KNOW what cold means! What’s “cold” mean? Huh? What’s that word?
Casanova sighed as he shut his eyes.
Casanova English: So then…
KILROY: I just… Uhhh, I just feel this is all a-comin’ to a head too soon.
There was a pause.
Casanova English: This show’s called All Hell’s Acoming.
KILROY: Acomin’.
Casanova English: I know what I named my own show.
KILROY: All right!
The brute’s unconvincing tone really irritated Casanova, but he was still convinced this nut was actively antagonizing him, so he didn’t give his employee the satisfaction, just in case.
KILROY: Destiny, kismet, fate, fortune, whatever you call it, however it acomes about, it acomes. It acomes and it acomes hard. HARD, Casanova English.
Casanova English: Goddamn you.
KIROY: Huh?
Casanova let that slip, but just beckoned for the lunatic to continue.
KILROY: I just want Junko Souma to… TWIST!!! in the WIND! To fear for her life for a little longer.
Casanova English: She’s beaten you indirectly, she’s beaten you directly…
KILROY: I mean, it realllllly should be Junko Souma begging YOU to stop this massacre from happening! You know, between you and me-
KILROY looks around for anyone, but obviously nobody else is around.
KILROY: I think there’s somethin’ SCREWY with that chick!
Casanova destroyed the remainder of his smoke, and tossed it - almost slamming it - to the ground as he exhaled the last of his joy.
Casanova English: I’m done. Get ready for your match now.
He then left without hearing KILROY out, though that was certainly for the best. Now alone, KILROY appears confused.
KILROY: But I thought we agreed to- ah, ta hell with it!
He stoops down to pick up Casanova’s cigarette, still lit but dying fast. He appears to be ready to smoke some of it himself, but he instead pops it into his mouth and eats it.
KILROY: Ahh, rich Virginia tobacco! “♫Winston tastes good like a-♫”
He pounds on the exit door twice.
KILROY: “♫cigarette should!♫”
Anderson: The following contest is a flaming table match!
Kilroy is across the ring of Junko Souma as tables continue to be piled outside the ring with several cans of lighter fluid. Junko cracks her neck never taking her eyes off Kilroy – he glares across the ring at his arch rival.
Foote: This one is going to get hot.
Sting: These two have been battling for months in CU:LT. In the Heaven Sent Inferno Battle Royal Junko tossed Kilroy into the flames.
Foote: Time for the killer to get some mother fucking revenge.
DING! DING! DING!
Junko comes out early putting pressure on Kilroy – he sticks his head out through the middle ropes and forces referee Tom Garcia to back Junko up. This happens three or four times.
Sting: Kilroy is scared!
Foote: Scared? He is an evil genius, a mastermind and this is all part of getting into the head of his opponent.
Finally Kilroy and Junko start to wrestle with Junko getting the best of the big man by sliding between his legs and then pulling him down with a drop toe hold followed by an elbow across the back. She hits the ropes just as Kilroy gets up – Junko leaps into the air and takes Kilroy down again with a flying headsicciors.
Sting: Looks like Junko is not the one who is afraid tonight.
Foote: Kilroy is going to eat her alive.
The head scissors sent Kilroy into the corner – he is there in a seated positon and Junko comes witha shotgun drop kick snapping the back of Kilroy’s head into the turnbuckle pad. Junko stands on Kilroy’s shoulder sand rips the top pad off exposing the metal. Kilroy quickly stands up and powerbombs here to the ground. He points to his own head.
Kilroy: All part of the plan!
He lifts his much smaller opponent off the ground with both hands around her throat and tosses her into the other corner. He nails a running splash just crunching Junko into the turnbuckles. Kilroy slams Junko with a pendulum backbreaker. Kilroy goes outside the ring and slides a table into it along with some lighter fluid and a BBQ lighter.
Foote: I hope you like the smell of fried Junko Souma.
Sting: I think we will see a repeat of last month and Junko lights this big weird fucker on fire.
Kilroy slides back into the ring – but Junko hits a flipped senton on him. Souma with some forearms to Kilroy – when they get to the corner she takes him down with a tornado DDT. Kilroy and Junko battle with Junko on the apron and Kilroy inside the ring. Kilroy with an eye poke – he steps one leg over the middle rope when Junkop grabs it and jumps down off the apron hanging Kilroy up by his balls. Junko slides in the ring – Kilroy is sitting awkwardly on the second rope. Junko runs sliding under the bottom ropes and whipping Kilroy down with a rope hung German suplex. The crowd is cheering loudly for Souma as she takes to the top rope. Souma goes for her finishing moonsault – but Kilroy pops his boot up and she takes it to the face.
Foote: No one has ring awareness like Kilroy.
Sting: Maybe, but he is low on personal awareness.
Kilroy sets a table up – he pours lighter fluid all over it and tosses it to the side – not realizing Junko grabbed a sneaky little taste while he grabbed the BBQ lighter. Kilroy is filled with glee as he lights the lighter – but nothing – he flicks it a few more times in anger. As the flame comes to life he regrets it though. Junko spit lighter fluid from her mouth hitting Kilroy with a massive ball of flame.
Foote: THIS SICK FUCK JUST BLINDED KILROY!
Sting: She is working her way to deathmatch icon status.
Souma goes up top and comes off with the moonsault now landing perfectly across Kilroy. She smiles as she lights the table on fire and pushes the big man to the corner once more. She’s laying in a variety of rapid strikes. Kilroy gets a hand around her throat and picks her up in a powerslam – he aims for the table but misses it completely.
Foote: Fuck at this rate we are going to light another ring up.
Sting: Put it on Casanova’s tab.
The table burns through so Tom Garcia puts it out with an extinguisher. Kilroy grabs it from Tom and just blasts it in Junko’s face almost emptying the whole thing. As the haze clears you can see some white in Junko's hair as she coughs hard. Kilroy pulls two water pistols out of his pants and just starts shooting at Junko dual wielding like a pro.
Foote: I can only assume such a genius of a man has put lighter fluid in those guns. Locked and loaded.
Sting: Junko’s spot was way cooler. The whole fireball thing…. I guess she is a bit more flammable now.
Junko kicks Kilroy in the nuts and DDTs him hard into the mat. Junko with a step up boot – Kilroy wobbles on his feet as he is about the fall Junko grabs the wrist and hits a ripcord lariat. Kilroy is down and Junko sets another table up behind him lighting it on fire. She heads to the top rope and comes flying off with a crossbody – but Kilroy catches her out of the air – he tosses her overhead with a fallaway slam and Junko goes right through the table – her covered in lighter fluid – she quickly becomes a ball of flame.
Sting: SOMEONE PUT HER OUT NOW!
Foote: SHE GONNA BE CRISP!
DING! DING! DING!
Anderson: The winner of this match Kilroy.
He shows a brief moment of shock as Tom Garcia raises his hand. Junko is burning hot – several security guards flood into the ring to put her out as medical staff runs down the ramp. Kilroy takes a sip of lighter fluid and blows a ball of flame over the front row.
Sting: Who the hell would have thought Kilroy would walk away with this one.
Foote: For FUCK SAKE! ME!!!
Kilroy is across the ring of Junko Souma as tables continue to be piled outside the ring with several cans of lighter fluid. Junko cracks her neck never taking her eyes off Kilroy – he glares across the ring at his arch rival.
Foote: This one is going to get hot.
Sting: These two have been battling for months in CU:LT. In the Heaven Sent Inferno Battle Royal Junko tossed Kilroy into the flames.
Foote: Time for the killer to get some mother fucking revenge.
DING! DING! DING!
Junko comes out early putting pressure on Kilroy – he sticks his head out through the middle ropes and forces referee Tom Garcia to back Junko up. This happens three or four times.
Sting: Kilroy is scared!
Foote: Scared? He is an evil genius, a mastermind and this is all part of getting into the head of his opponent.
Finally Kilroy and Junko start to wrestle with Junko getting the best of the big man by sliding between his legs and then pulling him down with a drop toe hold followed by an elbow across the back. She hits the ropes just as Kilroy gets up – Junko leaps into the air and takes Kilroy down again with a flying headsicciors.
Sting: Looks like Junko is not the one who is afraid tonight.
Foote: Kilroy is going to eat her alive.
The head scissors sent Kilroy into the corner – he is there in a seated positon and Junko comes witha shotgun drop kick snapping the back of Kilroy’s head into the turnbuckle pad. Junko stands on Kilroy’s shoulder sand rips the top pad off exposing the metal. Kilroy quickly stands up and powerbombs here to the ground. He points to his own head.
Kilroy: All part of the plan!
He lifts his much smaller opponent off the ground with both hands around her throat and tosses her into the other corner. He nails a running splash just crunching Junko into the turnbuckles. Kilroy slams Junko with a pendulum backbreaker. Kilroy goes outside the ring and slides a table into it along with some lighter fluid and a BBQ lighter.
Foote: I hope you like the smell of fried Junko Souma.
Sting: I think we will see a repeat of last month and Junko lights this big weird fucker on fire.
Kilroy slides back into the ring – but Junko hits a flipped senton on him. Souma with some forearms to Kilroy – when they get to the corner she takes him down with a tornado DDT. Kilroy and Junko battle with Junko on the apron and Kilroy inside the ring. Kilroy with an eye poke – he steps one leg over the middle rope when Junkop grabs it and jumps down off the apron hanging Kilroy up by his balls. Junko slides in the ring – Kilroy is sitting awkwardly on the second rope. Junko runs sliding under the bottom ropes and whipping Kilroy down with a rope hung German suplex. The crowd is cheering loudly for Souma as she takes to the top rope. Souma goes for her finishing moonsault – but Kilroy pops his boot up and she takes it to the face.
Foote: No one has ring awareness like Kilroy.
Sting: Maybe, but he is low on personal awareness.
Kilroy sets a table up – he pours lighter fluid all over it and tosses it to the side – not realizing Junko grabbed a sneaky little taste while he grabbed the BBQ lighter. Kilroy is filled with glee as he lights the lighter – but nothing – he flicks it a few more times in anger. As the flame comes to life he regrets it though. Junko spit lighter fluid from her mouth hitting Kilroy with a massive ball of flame.
Foote: THIS SICK FUCK JUST BLINDED KILROY!
Sting: She is working her way to deathmatch icon status.
Souma goes up top and comes off with the moonsault now landing perfectly across Kilroy. She smiles as she lights the table on fire and pushes the big man to the corner once more. She’s laying in a variety of rapid strikes. Kilroy gets a hand around her throat and picks her up in a powerslam – he aims for the table but misses it completely.
Foote: Fuck at this rate we are going to light another ring up.
Sting: Put it on Casanova’s tab.
The table burns through so Tom Garcia puts it out with an extinguisher. Kilroy grabs it from Tom and just blasts it in Junko’s face almost emptying the whole thing. As the haze clears you can see some white in Junko's hair as she coughs hard. Kilroy pulls two water pistols out of his pants and just starts shooting at Junko dual wielding like a pro.
Foote: I can only assume such a genius of a man has put lighter fluid in those guns. Locked and loaded.
Sting: Junko’s spot was way cooler. The whole fireball thing…. I guess she is a bit more flammable now.
Junko kicks Kilroy in the nuts and DDTs him hard into the mat. Junko with a step up boot – Kilroy wobbles on his feet as he is about the fall Junko grabs the wrist and hits a ripcord lariat. Kilroy is down and Junko sets another table up behind him lighting it on fire. She heads to the top rope and comes flying off with a crossbody – but Kilroy catches her out of the air – he tosses her overhead with a fallaway slam and Junko goes right through the table – her covered in lighter fluid – she quickly becomes a ball of flame.
Sting: SOMEONE PUT HER OUT NOW!
Foote: SHE GONNA BE CRISP!
DING! DING! DING!
Anderson: The winner of this match Kilroy.
He shows a brief moment of shock as Tom Garcia raises his hand. Junko is burning hot – several security guards flood into the ring to put her out as medical staff runs down the ramp. Kilroy takes a sip of lighter fluid and blows a ball of flame over the front row.
Sting: Who the hell would have thought Kilroy would walk away with this one.
Foote: For FUCK SAKE! ME!!!
Father John Tippet wipes the blood from his face with a rag. He has brothers from his congregation cleaning up the floors of his church with mops.
Tippet: I should charge that MOTHERFUCKER with kidnapping, with confinement, with assault. I should fry his fucking ass.
Tippet, who usually doesn't give the world the pleasure of hearing him cussing has lost it. Anger rattles his bones as he walks up to the podium to speak. The Lissie Hope mask still pulled over the face of the Christ looming over his shoulder.
Tippet: Casanova English has taken this too far. Tonight he has attempted to open the gates of hell here in the glory land of Texas. He wants to drag all of your souls to hell with him. See English is the embodiment of pride… a deadly sin if I ever heard one and it’s that pride which will lead to his downfall.
Tippet’s lip curls up as he spits venom.
Tippet: This boycott of CU:LT wrestling needs to be injected with steroids just like these professional wrestlers. You will be stopped one way or another Mr. English. Even if I need to empty my entire bank account to buy a chunk of this company to sell to communist CHINA! I’ll do it! This so called sport does not belong in the great United States… CULT does not belong in God’s country boy.
Brother Jason some water please. One of Tippet's disciples is quick to pass him a glass of water that smells a lot like a glass of vodka. Tippet takes a mouthful and releases a refreshing sigh.
Tippet: So here is what I am going to do Mr. English… I am going to issue a challenge. At Bible Belt Beatings how about I select three to four people from the roster I think have been underserved – who I believe to be God fearing. And you pick a few of your favorite heathens. If my team wins… you let me buy a portion of this little company… and just maybe we can remake it in God’s image.
Tippet slugs the glass of water we all know is really vodka and slams it on the church floor.
Tippet: God save you!
Tippet: I should charge that MOTHERFUCKER with kidnapping, with confinement, with assault. I should fry his fucking ass.
Tippet, who usually doesn't give the world the pleasure of hearing him cussing has lost it. Anger rattles his bones as he walks up to the podium to speak. The Lissie Hope mask still pulled over the face of the Christ looming over his shoulder.
Tippet: Casanova English has taken this too far. Tonight he has attempted to open the gates of hell here in the glory land of Texas. He wants to drag all of your souls to hell with him. See English is the embodiment of pride… a deadly sin if I ever heard one and it’s that pride which will lead to his downfall.
Tippet’s lip curls up as he spits venom.
Tippet: This boycott of CU:LT wrestling needs to be injected with steroids just like these professional wrestlers. You will be stopped one way or another Mr. English. Even if I need to empty my entire bank account to buy a chunk of this company to sell to communist CHINA! I’ll do it! This so called sport does not belong in the great United States… CULT does not belong in God’s country boy.
Brother Jason some water please. One of Tippet's disciples is quick to pass him a glass of water that smells a lot like a glass of vodka. Tippet takes a mouthful and releases a refreshing sigh.
Tippet: So here is what I am going to do Mr. English… I am going to issue a challenge. At Bible Belt Beatings how about I select three to four people from the roster I think have been underserved – who I believe to be God fearing. And you pick a few of your favorite heathens. If my team wins… you let me buy a portion of this little company… and just maybe we can remake it in God’s image.
Tippet slugs the glass of water we all know is really vodka and slams it on the church floor.
Tippet: God save you!
Sting: What a night we have had, but one more match before we call it a night Bill.
Foote: That is right we have Matt Knox who burned about 20 other people to get his chance to face Johnny Bacchus for the New World Championship.
Sting: Let’s not forget what Bacchus had to do to win the title last month. He had to nail a person he loves deeply to a cross – I think he will do whatever it takes to not be added to the long list of transitional champions here at Combat Unlimited.
Anderson: The following contest if for the New World Championship!
The houselights cut out, a single Raven cries out soon joined by another, then another until the cries of an entire unkindness fill the house sound system, soon broken by "Hell Broke Luce" by Tom Waits cutting through, the house lights coming up to a dull blue as a single white strobe light pulses in time to the song's percussion.
Anderson: Introducing the challenger Matthew Knox.
Standing in the middle of that pulsing light, back to the ring, stands Matthew Knox adorned in his ring gear and a sleeveless hoodie. Arms outstretched like a bird in flight he pivots on a heel and begins making his way to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and picking a corner to charge and leap upon to scream the audience into a frenzy. He takes a lap around the ring, before kneeling in a corner and patiently waiting for the ring bell to sound.
Sting: Here comes the man of the hour – the man who has had the best 2023 out of anyone. Now he not only holds the top title here in CULT – he also holds the top strap in FIGHT:NYC!
Foote: I kind of hate both these fuckers…
The camera focuses on the stage as the lights cut and “Limits” by Bad Omens begins to play over the P.A. The guitar and drums play distant and muffled as white lights flash like sparks around the floor, before a tom hit and pause bring the lights flashing up in bright white. A name appears on the tron: “The Rascal King” Jonathan Bacchus.
Sting: Johnny seems to be loving his first entrance as World Champion, but I know he hated how he got there.
Foote: English is molding him from someone everyone thought was a whiny emo bitch into a complete killer – a world champion. He owns a lot of the boss.
The crowd gives an appreciative pop as the out from behind the curtain walks Jonathan Bacchus, dressed in all black with a peacoat over a turtleneck and combat pants bloused into his Louboutin sneakers. He wears a white Thalia mask over his face, his hair hanging down over the top. The CU:LT New World Championship belt glitters on his waist, shined pristinely. He marches down deliberately, his eyes on the ring. On the ramp, he removes the Thalia mask and flicks it casually over his shoulder into the crowd.
Anderson: Making his way to the ring, from Oakland, California and weighing in at 205 lbs… he is the CU:LT New World Champion! “The Rascal King” – JONATHAN! BACCHUS!
At the base of the ring, Bacchus turns to the stairs and climbs them to the turnbuckle. With a single clean vault, he launches himself over the top rope and turns to land on the middle rope inside the ring, his peacoat seeming not to hamper his movement. As his theme song explodes into the chorus, he throws his head back and arms out, the lights flashing bright white and the audience roaring appreciatively! He stares on stoically as he looks down at them, and he takes a moment to remove the belt from his waist and hold it up to the crowd.
Foote: This is a long ass entrance.
Sting: Soak it in baby.
He removes his peacoat and drops it to the outside before pulling his turtleneck over his head. He whips this into the crowd before dropping down to the mat, circling the ring before taking back to his corner and reclining in it.
DING! DING! DING!
There is a bit of chain wrestling off the top you might not expect with Johnny Bacchus getting the best of things with a headlock takedown. He holes Matt there for a few seconds, but the seasoned vet works them both back up to their feet and breaks free. Knox with a snap suplex. Johnny replies with a snap suplex of his own and the two are in the middle of the ring again – chest to chest – talking shit – measuring dicks.
Sting: Some intensity in this one. Neither man wants to show any signs of weakness.
Foote: Well it takes a lot of grit to win a world championship – but let me tell you it takes a lot more grit to hang on to a world championship.
Bacchus dodges a couple strikes and takes Knox down with a German suplex. Johnny leaps on his opponent and reigns down punches – Matt flips him over and does some ground and pound of his own – but Bacchus gets the legs up around Knox’s neck and locks in a triangle choke. Matt fades for a minute – but gets his feet on the ropes and Huffman makes Johnny break the hold. Running spear from Knox, but Johnny side steps sending the challenger to the corner. Another German suplex by Bacchus. Matt is up and Bacchus hits an arm drag… then a springboard bulldog off the second rope. Knox is wobbling as he staggers to his feet and Johnny takes him out with a swinging neckbreaker.
Sting: The champion has found his footing.
Foote: I am just realizing this is Knox's first singles match in CU:LT. If he walks out with the title he will make history.
Knox with a European uppercut, then a Dragon screw. He locks in an ankle lock twisting the champion's foot in awkward directions – but Johnny shakes him loose. Knox with a springboard leg drop across the back of the head of Johnny – followed by a lionsault as the champion rolls onto his back. Cover.
1
2
KICKOUT!
Foote: Moving like a young man out there tonight Knox!
Sting: he will feel it in the morning.
Knox doesn’t take any of the pressure off. Knox works Bacchus over with technical strikes – a few shots to the rib cage – a kick to the side so deep it causes pain in Bacchus’ kidney. Knox ends his assault with a one legged codebreaker.
Foote: Bacchus in a desperate spot here. That Arcadia shit and beating Lissie Hope last month has taken its toll.
String: The Raven might very well be the best in the business too. If Johnny isn’t feeling 100 percent tonight is the night to dig deep.
Knox gets Bacchus back to his feet, but the champion hits The Raven with a wild haymaker followed up with a headbutt. Bacchus lays some hard chops across Knox’s chest – the sound getting a respectable “OHHHH” from the crowd. Bacchus with a spine buster. Knox rolls to the corner and Bacchus follows him with a v-trigger. Bacchus climbs the opposite rope and comes across the ring with a coast to coast.
Sting: The champion getting right back into this!
Foote: What the hell is English doing out here now?
Casanova English saunters down the rampway still covered in dried blood from the top of the show. He has a chair in his hand and unfolds it sitting at ringside to get a close eye on the match.
Sting: You know he has an ulterior motive than wanting to watch the match.
Bacchus is yelling at English front he ring – losing focus. Maybe that was part of Casnaova’s plan all along.
Sting: What are you doing Bacchus! The championship is on the line cover Knox!
Bacchus finally makes the pin.
1
2
3??!!!!
KICKOUT!!!!
Foote: He is getting in his own head.
Sting: Or rather English is getting in his head.
Bacchus pulls Knox to his feet and slaps him across the face – but he wakes a sleeping giant. Knox pulls Bacchus in for an exploder suplex. Knox is stalking Bacchus – but the champion tackles him to the ground and the pair brawl exchanging ground and pound and top and bottom positions – kinky. Anyway – Knox rolls to his feet and when Bacchus gets up a roundhouse kick puts him back down. Knox locks Bacchus in a clench and works him over with the knees. The Raven takes the champion down with a double underhook DDT.
Sting: Why the fuck can’t English just let things playout here without always trying to have an influence.
Foote: To feel like God.
Knox pulls Bacchus up and nails a vertical suplex. Knox lets Bacchus get back up who does some punch drunk boxing – Knox tries to kick his head off with a superkick. Knox grabs Bacchus and nails a GTS!
Sting: INTO THE VOID GOES JOHNNY BACCHUS!!!
Knox makes the cover on the champion.
1
2
3!!!!??????
Sting: BACCHUS KICKS OUT!
Foote: THE CHAMPION LIVES! But not for long – Matt Knox is circling like a vulture.
Sting: Don’t you mean raven?
Bacchus pulls himself up with the ropes – he stomps to the middle of the ring where Knox meets him and the two just start forearming the absolute fuck out of one another. Both men go for a spinning backfist and connect. They both wobble on their feet then run the ropes.
Foote: These trains are going to connect at some point.
Sting: The crowd loving the main event tonight – thank God English hasn’t done anything to ruin it. We are expecting a perfectly clean finish with no shenanigans.
Johnny ducks a closeline from Matt who accidentally nails referee JJ Huffman instead. Knox has no time to waist checking on the old fucker though he hits the ropes again. Knox and Bacchus collide in the middle of the ring laying on the canvas out cold.
Foote: Look at that.. English finds an opening to get himself involved.
Sting: Can this man stop dropping the value of the New World Championship – for the love of god English is obsessed. He is really mad he wasn’t invited to be a third in a love triangle between Lissie Hope and Johnny Bacchus.
English smirks as he scoops up the New World Championship from the time keeper. He hops up on the apron just as Bacchus uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet. English looks him in the eye as Bacchus winds back to punch the man who has made him famous at the expense of his personal relationships and sanity. English holds the championship out – pushing it in’t Bacchus’ hand… he shakes his head at first… but instinct kicks in… kill or be killed… he has his hands on the title and when Knox pulls him by the shoulder – it’s an all animal reaction.
Foote: HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT COCK SUCKING ASS FUCK HELL JOHNNY BACCHUS JUST BLASTED MATT KNOX WITH THE CHAMPIONSHIP.
Sting: What the hell was that Johnny Bacchus doesn’t cheat!?
Foote: Isn’t anything fair game in CU:LT though. Maybe it’s the hatred he has for English all welled up and he unleashed it onto Matt’s skull.
JJ Huffman comes to and starts crawling toward the cover.
1
2
3!
DING! DING! DING!
Anderson: THE WINNER and STILL NEW WORLD CHAMPION JOHNNY BACCHUS!!!!!!!!
English steps into the ring, sucking on a cigarette. The crowd boos at him killing Matt Knox’s hopes of being New World Champion. He paces around the back of Bacchus… but the New World Champion turns quick – cracks The CU:LT Leader in the center of his skull with the title belt. Johnny raises it over English yelling into the air as the scene starts to fade.
Foote: There it is… I know Johnny was manipulated by the great mind that is Casanova English… though part of it is leaking out on the canvas. Keep that Quincy guy in the back.
Sting: What a night for professional wrestling… What a night for Johnny Bacchus.
Foote: Bacchus barely made it past Knox… now at Bodies in the Bayou Bacchus will have to face off against Alice Gemini for the New World Championship.
Sting: See you then!
Foote: That is right we have Matt Knox who burned about 20 other people to get his chance to face Johnny Bacchus for the New World Championship.
Sting: Let’s not forget what Bacchus had to do to win the title last month. He had to nail a person he loves deeply to a cross – I think he will do whatever it takes to not be added to the long list of transitional champions here at Combat Unlimited.
Anderson: The following contest if for the New World Championship!
The houselights cut out, a single Raven cries out soon joined by another, then another until the cries of an entire unkindness fill the house sound system, soon broken by "Hell Broke Luce" by Tom Waits cutting through, the house lights coming up to a dull blue as a single white strobe light pulses in time to the song's percussion.
Anderson: Introducing the challenger Matthew Knox.
Standing in the middle of that pulsing light, back to the ring, stands Matthew Knox adorned in his ring gear and a sleeveless hoodie. Arms outstretched like a bird in flight he pivots on a heel and begins making his way to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and picking a corner to charge and leap upon to scream the audience into a frenzy. He takes a lap around the ring, before kneeling in a corner and patiently waiting for the ring bell to sound.
Sting: Here comes the man of the hour – the man who has had the best 2023 out of anyone. Now he not only holds the top title here in CULT – he also holds the top strap in FIGHT:NYC!
Foote: I kind of hate both these fuckers…
The camera focuses on the stage as the lights cut and “Limits” by Bad Omens begins to play over the P.A. The guitar and drums play distant and muffled as white lights flash like sparks around the floor, before a tom hit and pause bring the lights flashing up in bright white. A name appears on the tron: “The Rascal King” Jonathan Bacchus.
Sting: Johnny seems to be loving his first entrance as World Champion, but I know he hated how he got there.
Foote: English is molding him from someone everyone thought was a whiny emo bitch into a complete killer – a world champion. He owns a lot of the boss.
The crowd gives an appreciative pop as the out from behind the curtain walks Jonathan Bacchus, dressed in all black with a peacoat over a turtleneck and combat pants bloused into his Louboutin sneakers. He wears a white Thalia mask over his face, his hair hanging down over the top. The CU:LT New World Championship belt glitters on his waist, shined pristinely. He marches down deliberately, his eyes on the ring. On the ramp, he removes the Thalia mask and flicks it casually over his shoulder into the crowd.
Anderson: Making his way to the ring, from Oakland, California and weighing in at 205 lbs… he is the CU:LT New World Champion! “The Rascal King” – JONATHAN! BACCHUS!
At the base of the ring, Bacchus turns to the stairs and climbs them to the turnbuckle. With a single clean vault, he launches himself over the top rope and turns to land on the middle rope inside the ring, his peacoat seeming not to hamper his movement. As his theme song explodes into the chorus, he throws his head back and arms out, the lights flashing bright white and the audience roaring appreciatively! He stares on stoically as he looks down at them, and he takes a moment to remove the belt from his waist and hold it up to the crowd.
Foote: This is a long ass entrance.
Sting: Soak it in baby.
He removes his peacoat and drops it to the outside before pulling his turtleneck over his head. He whips this into the crowd before dropping down to the mat, circling the ring before taking back to his corner and reclining in it.
DING! DING! DING!
There is a bit of chain wrestling off the top you might not expect with Johnny Bacchus getting the best of things with a headlock takedown. He holes Matt there for a few seconds, but the seasoned vet works them both back up to their feet and breaks free. Knox with a snap suplex. Johnny replies with a snap suplex of his own and the two are in the middle of the ring again – chest to chest – talking shit – measuring dicks.
Sting: Some intensity in this one. Neither man wants to show any signs of weakness.
Foote: Well it takes a lot of grit to win a world championship – but let me tell you it takes a lot more grit to hang on to a world championship.
Bacchus dodges a couple strikes and takes Knox down with a German suplex. Johnny leaps on his opponent and reigns down punches – Matt flips him over and does some ground and pound of his own – but Bacchus gets the legs up around Knox’s neck and locks in a triangle choke. Matt fades for a minute – but gets his feet on the ropes and Huffman makes Johnny break the hold. Running spear from Knox, but Johnny side steps sending the challenger to the corner. Another German suplex by Bacchus. Matt is up and Bacchus hits an arm drag… then a springboard bulldog off the second rope. Knox is wobbling as he staggers to his feet and Johnny takes him out with a swinging neckbreaker.
Sting: The champion has found his footing.
Foote: I am just realizing this is Knox's first singles match in CU:LT. If he walks out with the title he will make history.
Knox with a European uppercut, then a Dragon screw. He locks in an ankle lock twisting the champion's foot in awkward directions – but Johnny shakes him loose. Knox with a springboard leg drop across the back of the head of Johnny – followed by a lionsault as the champion rolls onto his back. Cover.
1
2
KICKOUT!
Foote: Moving like a young man out there tonight Knox!
Sting: he will feel it in the morning.
Knox doesn’t take any of the pressure off. Knox works Bacchus over with technical strikes – a few shots to the rib cage – a kick to the side so deep it causes pain in Bacchus’ kidney. Knox ends his assault with a one legged codebreaker.
Foote: Bacchus in a desperate spot here. That Arcadia shit and beating Lissie Hope last month has taken its toll.
String: The Raven might very well be the best in the business too. If Johnny isn’t feeling 100 percent tonight is the night to dig deep.
Knox gets Bacchus back to his feet, but the champion hits The Raven with a wild haymaker followed up with a headbutt. Bacchus lays some hard chops across Knox’s chest – the sound getting a respectable “OHHHH” from the crowd. Bacchus with a spine buster. Knox rolls to the corner and Bacchus follows him with a v-trigger. Bacchus climbs the opposite rope and comes across the ring with a coast to coast.
Sting: The champion getting right back into this!
Foote: What the hell is English doing out here now?
Casanova English saunters down the rampway still covered in dried blood from the top of the show. He has a chair in his hand and unfolds it sitting at ringside to get a close eye on the match.
Sting: You know he has an ulterior motive than wanting to watch the match.
Bacchus is yelling at English front he ring – losing focus. Maybe that was part of Casnaova’s plan all along.
Sting: What are you doing Bacchus! The championship is on the line cover Knox!
Bacchus finally makes the pin.
1
2
3??!!!!
KICKOUT!!!!
Foote: He is getting in his own head.
Sting: Or rather English is getting in his head.
Bacchus pulls Knox to his feet and slaps him across the face – but he wakes a sleeping giant. Knox pulls Bacchus in for an exploder suplex. Knox is stalking Bacchus – but the champion tackles him to the ground and the pair brawl exchanging ground and pound and top and bottom positions – kinky. Anyway – Knox rolls to his feet and when Bacchus gets up a roundhouse kick puts him back down. Knox locks Bacchus in a clench and works him over with the knees. The Raven takes the champion down with a double underhook DDT.
Sting: Why the fuck can’t English just let things playout here without always trying to have an influence.
Foote: To feel like God.
Knox pulls Bacchus up and nails a vertical suplex. Knox lets Bacchus get back up who does some punch drunk boxing – Knox tries to kick his head off with a superkick. Knox grabs Bacchus and nails a GTS!
Sting: INTO THE VOID GOES JOHNNY BACCHUS!!!
Knox makes the cover on the champion.
1
2
3!!!!??????
Sting: BACCHUS KICKS OUT!
Foote: THE CHAMPION LIVES! But not for long – Matt Knox is circling like a vulture.
Sting: Don’t you mean raven?
Bacchus pulls himself up with the ropes – he stomps to the middle of the ring where Knox meets him and the two just start forearming the absolute fuck out of one another. Both men go for a spinning backfist and connect. They both wobble on their feet then run the ropes.
Foote: These trains are going to connect at some point.
Sting: The crowd loving the main event tonight – thank God English hasn’t done anything to ruin it. We are expecting a perfectly clean finish with no shenanigans.
Johnny ducks a closeline from Matt who accidentally nails referee JJ Huffman instead. Knox has no time to waist checking on the old fucker though he hits the ropes again. Knox and Bacchus collide in the middle of the ring laying on the canvas out cold.
Foote: Look at that.. English finds an opening to get himself involved.
Sting: Can this man stop dropping the value of the New World Championship – for the love of god English is obsessed. He is really mad he wasn’t invited to be a third in a love triangle between Lissie Hope and Johnny Bacchus.
English smirks as he scoops up the New World Championship from the time keeper. He hops up on the apron just as Bacchus uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet. English looks him in the eye as Bacchus winds back to punch the man who has made him famous at the expense of his personal relationships and sanity. English holds the championship out – pushing it in’t Bacchus’ hand… he shakes his head at first… but instinct kicks in… kill or be killed… he has his hands on the title and when Knox pulls him by the shoulder – it’s an all animal reaction.
Foote: HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT COCK SUCKING ASS FUCK HELL JOHNNY BACCHUS JUST BLASTED MATT KNOX WITH THE CHAMPIONSHIP.
Sting: What the hell was that Johnny Bacchus doesn’t cheat!?
Foote: Isn’t anything fair game in CU:LT though. Maybe it’s the hatred he has for English all welled up and he unleashed it onto Matt’s skull.
JJ Huffman comes to and starts crawling toward the cover.
1
2
3!
DING! DING! DING!
Anderson: THE WINNER and STILL NEW WORLD CHAMPION JOHNNY BACCHUS!!!!!!!!
English steps into the ring, sucking on a cigarette. The crowd boos at him killing Matt Knox’s hopes of being New World Champion. He paces around the back of Bacchus… but the New World Champion turns quick – cracks The CU:LT Leader in the center of his skull with the title belt. Johnny raises it over English yelling into the air as the scene starts to fade.
Foote: There it is… I know Johnny was manipulated by the great mind that is Casanova English… though part of it is leaking out on the canvas. Keep that Quincy guy in the back.
Sting: What a night for professional wrestling… What a night for Johnny Bacchus.
Foote: Bacchus barely made it past Knox… now at Bodies in the Bayou Bacchus will have to face off against Alice Gemini for the New World Championship.
Sting: See you then!
